If I am not careful, I make decisions out of a hidden motivation to satisfy my own desires. These secret motives hide so easily because they are mixed in with real duties I have. If my daughter misbehaves or screams, I might scold her out of fear that the neighbors will become upset rather than my duty to help her regain control of her emotions and follow the rules of the household. If I see crumbs on the floor or my coffee spills under the toaster oven on the kitchen counter, I stop all I do to clean it up out of my urge to feel that things are clean rather than my duty to maintain order and structure in my house.
These hidden fears and desires become problematic when I forget the real principle and motivation of all that I do, which is my duty to serve and love God above all things. This forgetfulness leaves a void which is quickly filled in by my own plans and impulses, which often change based off my emotions. Then, when those plans and impulses are interrupted, I am thrown into confusion, anger, and frustration, which in turn often leads to sin or a disturbed conscience and ruined peace.
What instability and chaos! What a miserable state to be in!
Oh my God, please do not forget me like I often forget You. Please keep me mindful of You all the day. Help me reject all idle, useless, and dangerous thoughts, desires, and fears. Help me purge my mind, my conscience, my will, and my heart of anything that is displeasing to You and fill it instead with a desire to serve You. If I am empty of myself, then I am always ready to act and move to Your will. If I destroy my self love–my wishes, my dreams, my desires–then there will be nothing holding me back from doing what is best at every second of the day.
I will aim to keep my mind empty of any plans, other than what presents itself as the immediate need of that moment. I will wave away all idle thoughts and random memories that distract me from You. I will be vigilant for any selfish motive in my plans and will aim to root it out by dropping that plan, or if it is too late, by accepting that humiliation and returning my mind to You. I pray with David so I can be the servant always ready to act:
“Yes, like the eyes of servants
on the hand of their masters,
Like the eyes of a maid
on the hand of her mistress,
So our eyes are on the LORD our God” (Psalm 123:2, USCCB)
Blessed Mother Mary, who obeyed God at all moments of your life, pray for me. St. Joseph, who obeyed silently, pray for me. God, have mercy on me. Amen.
LPC Meditations 