LPC Meditations

Sharing the fruits of contemplation and study for the glory of God

Tag: catholic

  • Purging Hidden and Selfish Desires from Real Duties

    If I am not careful, I make decisions out of a hidden motivation to satisfy my own desires. These secret motives hide so easily because they are mixed in with real duties I have. If my daughter misbehaves or screams, I might scold her out of fear that the neighbors will become upset rather than my duty to help her regain control of her emotions and follow the rules of the household. If I see crumbs on the floor or my coffee spills under the toaster oven on the kitchen counter, I stop all I do to clean it up out of my urge to feel that things are clean rather than my duty to maintain order and structure in my house.

    These hidden fears and desires become problematic when I forget the real principle and motivation of all that I do, which is my duty to serve and love God above all things. This forgetfulness leaves a void which is quickly filled in by my own plans and impulses, which often change based off my emotions. Then, when those plans and impulses are interrupted, I am thrown into confusion, anger, and frustration, which in turn often leads to sin or a disturbed conscience and ruined peace.

    What instability and chaos! What a miserable state to be in!

    Oh my God, please do not forget me like I often forget You. Please keep me mindful of You all the day. Help me reject all idle, useless, and dangerous thoughts, desires, and fears. Help me purge my mind, my conscience, my will, and my heart of anything that is displeasing to You and fill it instead with a desire to serve You. If I am empty of myself, then I am always ready to act and move to Your will. If I destroy my self love–my wishes, my dreams, my desires–then there will be nothing holding me back from doing what is best at every second of the day.

    I will aim to keep my mind empty of any plans, other than what presents itself as the immediate need of that moment. I will wave away all idle thoughts and random memories that distract me from You. I will be vigilant for any selfish motive in my plans and will aim to root it out by dropping that plan, or if it is too late, by accepting that humiliation and returning my mind to You. I pray with David so I can be the servant always ready to act:

    “Yes, like the eyes of servants

    on the hand of their masters,

    Like the eyes of a maid

    on the hand of her mistress,

    So our eyes are on the LORD our God” (Psalm 123:2, USCCB)

    Blessed Mother Mary, who obeyed God at all moments of your life, pray for me. St. Joseph, who obeyed silently, pray for me. God, have mercy on me. Amen.

  • Resolutions for Mindfulness in Prayer and Work

    When there are a thousand tasks filling my head, tempting me to anxiety and worry, I will breathe and focus on my current duty. I will abandon them all to God and ask that His Divine Will be done, rather than mine. When I trust in Him and in His Providence, then I can rest assured that it will all be handled:

    Since he clings to me in love, I will free him;

    protect him for he knows my name.

    When he calls I shall answer: “I am with you.”

    I will save him in distress and give him glory.” (Psalm 91:14; Night Prayer Divine Office)

    What will I focus on today then? What will my resolutions be for today that I can put my entire energy on, especially in the moments of difficulty and frustration?

    I will complete every task, no matter how menial, with the most devotion, love, and focus. I will pick up clothing from the floor and place it gently in its proper place, keeping my eyes fixed on where I plan to put it. I will wipe every nook and groove of the dishes I wash, paying attention to the movement of my hands and the force I place on the sponge with my fingers. I will move my mouth freely to enunciate every syllable during my prayers, taking special care not to rush or speak with mindlessness. I will offer up all these small works and envision how by using my body in fulfilling my duties, I am praising God and being the faithful servant I was made to be.

    I will return to this mindfulness whenever I catch myself in anxious thoughts and imaginations or if I feel pressured to hurry because of a screaming child or sibling argument in the background. That will simply become my next task, so I can with the same calmness, pause my current activity and turn to address the problem.

    I will not allow myself to get carried away with frustration, annoyance, and anger at any chaos happening around me. I will picture myself like Peter and his fellow apostles in the storm, but will keep my eyes on Christ. I will bless the Lord for those opportunities and will soften my face, my body, and my heart when I am tempted to self-pity and become hardened with irritation at my situation.

    I will be careful not to mix up my personal preferences with my real duties to educate and discipline my children. I will accept that they are full of folly and need my patience and tenderness to help them overcome this stage. I will throw myself to the mercy of God because it is only then that He will help me–not when I lean on my own strength.

    Mother of Good Counsel, pray for me. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 112: Recognizing and Rejecting Sinful Thoughts

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website. Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE.

    “112: 5 Who is as the Lord our God, who dwelleth on high:

    112:6. and looketh down on the low things in heaven and in earth?

    112:7. Raising up the needy from the earth, and lifting up the poor out of the dunghill:

    112:8. That he may place him with princes, with the princes of his people.”

    It seems that almost every moment I am fighting off some ugly temptation or imagination from my mind. I can see an advertisement, a person walking down the street, a post on social media–really anything that I set my eye on–and my first temptation is one of scoffing, judgement, or ridicule. I feel like I’m waving off flies constantly, trying not to pay attention to these uncharitable or prideful thoughts. If I spend more than one second on these thoughts or indulge in them in any way, I am struck with shame at myself.

    “Why can’t I have better thoughts? Why can’t I think of God continuously and pray to Him always? Or pray to Him on behalf of others? Why do I, instead, get pleasure out of the base lifestyle of others–in the thought that I am better or holier than them? I should be sorrowful for them and the offense they bring God.”

    At the very least, I can take this humiliating fact of myself and offer that to God. I can recognize that I am an “unprofitable servant” and can barely escape the temptations that continuously swarm my mind. I can recognize that I am nowhere near the level of sanctity that I desire to be. I can take comfort in knowing that the disgust I feel towards these thoughts is a sign I reject them.

    Lord, see the miserable condition I am in and take pity. See that I do not consent to my temptations and that I immediately repent whenever I do. Please give me an overflowing love and tenderness for the souls I see, especially those that seem to be in sin. Give me empathy for them, so that I may pray for them earnestly and desire their salvation as much as You desire it. Lift my thoughts out of this earth–with its dunghills–and up towards higher, better things, so that as you look down on me, I may offer you only pleasing thoughts, words, and actions. Praise be to You for Your patience towards me. Amen.

  • The Cross of Parenthood is my Path to Sanctity

    “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” (1 Corinthians 11:30)

    I thought my cross would come from outside the home. I waited for the suffering that seemed would be placed on me in some great and honorable way, like the martyrs and saints we remember. I expected it to come from outside of the home.

    But God had higher thoughts than that. He knew my weaknesses. He knew my pride. He knew the perfect way to destroy all vice within me, the hidden sinful thoughts that were disguised as virtues. He also knew how to use my strengths and my natural dispositions. He didn’t give me a great public image to use for preaching to the masses. He didn’t send me on a worldwide mission to feed the hungry or tend the sick. He didn’t introduce me to the convents and fill me with a wondrous attraction to a life as a celibate religious in my youth.

    He sent me parenthood.

    Parenthood stripped back the covers and revealed the ugliness of my vices–my impatience, my pride, my vanity, my intemperance–and began to root them out one by one.

    Parenthood revealed the value and attraction in the virtues and propelled me to learn discipline, prudence, perseverance, justice, and so on.

    Parenthood forced me to overcome my useless concerns, worries, and anxieties and helped me grow comfortable with pain, discomfort, and uncertainty.

    Parenthood showed me the necessity of my faith.

    By showing me the pitiful state of my soul, I realized the need I had of God and of His Holy Church to overcome my situation before it was too late. I found and desired prayer, the Sacraments, and study. I began to hate my vices and sought to destroy them within myself while growing in mercy and patience with those who still live out those vices.

    Yet, even as this truth is revealed to me, I continue to fight the wonderful cross placed on me. I feel pained at the fact that I always struggle with the same weaknesses, repeat the same venial sins, and face the same temptations. Temptations of anger. Temptations of desperation. Temptations of control and over-zealousness. I cry in confusion, wanting to be the perfect mother to my children and treat them as the children of God sent to me, always wondering why I can’t overcome these obstacles.

    It is these exact pains, however, that are the weaknesses I should bear. These pains and shames are the daily humiliation I need to remain humble at God’s feet and continue begging for His graces. The same failures prevent me from wagging my finger or shaking my head at other parents. They keep me wary of this dangerous life and help me remain vigilant so I can continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

    Jesus commanded us to be perfect as our Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48), and this need to work towards perfection will persist for the rest of my life. There will always be temptations to overcome, so I must not allow myself to grow discouraged at my own failures or signs of temptations. These are, rather, the very weaknesses I must boast about. As I overcome each one, I can say with confidence that it was not me who overcame them, but God. Without His graces and mercy, I would not be able to bear this cross of parenthood. Even if I fall, as Christ did three times, I can pick it back up and persevere until the end.

    I do not need to wait for some glorious martyrdom. I can die to God daily. I do not need to wait for some great suffering or sacrifice. I can embrace the daily, small sufferings and sacrifices of parenthood. I do not need to pursue virtues and good works outside the home. I can grow in those virtues and perform those good works in the home, for my children and through my parenting.

    Oh my God, please help me in this work. Sometimes, I can barely focus on keeping the cross upon my shoulders and it takes my whole energy to take one mere step. Let me focus on nothing but that step. Let me not focus on the long road ahead, so I may not despair at how much I have to go. Sometimes I feel like I am on the brink of falling over. Hold me up during those moments and send me a Simon to bear it with me–and give me the humility to accept his help!

    I desire nothing other than to serve You well. Give me the graces of Holy Matrimony to raise these children you sent me according to Your will. Help me to continue to grow in holiness and love of You through them and through this work. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 44

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website.

    The Douay Rheims version is off by 1 chapter compared to more modern translations. Ex: Chapter 44 in the DR Bible is Chapter 45 in the NABRE version.

    “Hearken, O daughter, and see, and incline thy ear: and forget thy people and thy father’s house. And the king shall greatly desire thy beauty; for he is the Lord thy God, and him they shall adore” (Psalms 44:11)

    Meditation:

    How do I forget my people? How should I forget my father’s house? What does it mean by “my people” and “father’s house”? Augustine1 reads this “father” as “the devil” and “people” as unbelievers, gentiles or “the people of Babylon”. Before we are baptized, we are these unbelievers and gentiles, then were are reborn in baptism, which transforms us into the children of God and make us beautiful, worthy to look at by Him. Perhaps this is why only those who are baptized or clothed in the wedding garments are allowed to enter “the wedding feast” i.e. heaven.

    We hear Jesus in the gospel of Matthew share the parable of the guest who was cast back out when the king saw he had no wedding garments on (Matthew 22:11). So, if we desire to be worthy to be beheld by God and stay in His presence, then we must clothe ourselves properly, not only by receiving our baptism but also by casting off of ourselves our works of darkness, as St. Paul says to the Romans, and putting “on the armor of light” (Romans 13:12). 

    Resolution:

    I will examine my behavior throughout the day and ask myself, am I behaving in a way that would be fitting for a Christian? Would God be pleased with my thoughts or actions? 

    Prayer:

    Lord, do not cast me out of Your presence due to my weakness and poverty. I do not know how to behave and often find myself too weak to do the good things I want. Provide me with the wedding garments that I need to be in Your Presence–give me the strength I need to fulfill my duties now and grant me the graces to become ever more pleasing to You, that You may desire my beauty and gather me to Yourself. Amen. 

    1. St. Augustine of Hippo. “Exposition on Psalm 45.” New Advent. https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/1801045.htm ↩︎

  • Meditation on Psalm 43

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website

    11. Thou hast made us turn our back to our enemies: and they that hated us plundered for themselves. 12 Thou hast given us up like sheep to be eaten: thou hast scattered us among the nations. 13 Thou hast sold thy people for no price: and there was no reckoning in the exchange of them. 14 Thou hast made us a reproach to our neighbours, a scoff and derision to them that are round about us. 15 Thou hast made us a byword among the Gentiles: a shaking of the head among the people. 16 All the day long my shame is before me: and the confusion of my face hath covered me. 17 At the voice of him that reproacheth and detracteth me: at the face of the enemy and persecutor. And our heart hath not turned back: neither hast thou turned aside our steps from thy way. 20. For thou hast humbled us in the place of affliction: and the shadow of death hath covered us. 21 If we have forgotten the name of our God, and if we have spread forth our hands to a strange god: 22 Shall not God search out these things: for he knoweth the secrets of the heart. Because for thy sake we are killed all the day long: we are counted as sheep for the slaughter. 23 Arise, why sleepest thou, O Lord? arise, and cast us not off to the end. 24.Why turnest thou thy face away? and forgettest our want and our trouble? 25 For our soul is humbled down to the dust: our belly cleaveth to the earth. 26. Arise, O Lord, help us and redeem us for thy name’s sake.

    It is hard for me to relate to these feelings of desperation that David expresses to God. He says that all day his shame is before him, that “the shadow of death” covers him, and that his people are “counted as sheep for the slaughter”. It is very difficult to feel this persecution, since even when St. Augustine interprets it, it applies to the Church’s martyrs. I live in the midst of comforts and inalienable rights, with nobody to pursue me and put me to death. The only exception, however, is the devil. Yet, I feel silly looking for “the devil” as the cause of any trouble, yet there can’t be another source for the temptations that enter my soul. Who else other than the devil and his minions are seeking to cause me to sin and forsake God in my actions?

    I do not desire to sin. I do not desire to offend God. Yet, I find myself at war within myself, as St. Paul said, doing that which I don’t want; and not doing that which I do want to do. I want to kneel, pray and meditate yet am plagued with a million different distractions. I want to greet my children joyfully and tenderly, yet I get bothered and irritated at their childishness and misbehavior. I want to move about my day with peace, trusting in God with even small matters, yet I constantly fall into anxious thoughts, troubled with any decision. I end the day, exhausted and often ashamed– feeling that I failed in most or all my resolutions and that I can’t face God.

    What am I supposed to present Him with? What am I supposed to show Him what I did with the graces that He gave me? I can take advantage of this sorrow. Instead of granting a victory to the devil, by succumbing to my shame, I will offer it to God. I can recognize how my soul “is humbled down to the dust”, as David says, and can plead to God to help me rise above my weaknesses. I can trust that He will do so not for my sake, since there is nothing inherently good about me, but for His sake and glory. He created me for Him, so for that end, I will pray. I will not give in to the shame and humiliation of my failures in my resolutions, but will choose to trust in the mercy of God. I will see myself as the tax collector, beating his chest and accusing himself. 

    God, do not abandon me to my enemies who desire to see me fall in temptation and submit to despair over my weakness. Rather, give me the grace to persevere and embrace my weakness–for your sake.