General Goal: Order my marriage to the will of God.
Particular Goal: Show my husband that I enjoy spending time with him while still remaining detached internally from him and from the pleasures in spending time with him, such as date nights. Understand this balance of duty to husband and duty to God in order to gather the courage to say “no” to my husband when I need to.
Considerations/Context:
- I have a reputation and previous habit of being overly zealous, strict, or imprudent in my desire to fast or abstain from simple pleasures. Given this history, my husband is reasonably hesitant to agree with my worries about being overly indulgent or “worldly”, so I can’t simply tell him “we need to pray more and drink/eat less”.
- I would be content using my extra time studying or praying. I would prefer to avoid eating tasty foods, snacks, or drinks, not because I think them evil, but because I would rather avoid building the habit or risk attachment to them. I am, however, willing to enjoy them with my husband when he asks so he knows I do like his company and enjoying these simple pleasures together.
- The Church has a history of allowing earthly things and cultural traditions as long as the essentials of the faith are kept. The Apostles permitted Jewish traditions in early Christian history, as long as they were not seen as necessary for salvation. I should have no remorse, then, in enjoying good food and movies with my husband if I am doing so, not for my own pleasures nor for his, but rather to remove a potential obstacle from his attitude towards Christian life: “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings” (1 Corinthians 19:22-23). I know my husband is weaker spiritually than I am, at least at this point in time, so I cannot make the Christian life seem harsher than it really is or make our home culture stricter than it needs to be, thus making it distasteful to him as a result.
- I know my husband rejoices at seeing me enjoy what he provides and that I can relax together with him, especially considering my more uptight personality. Allowing myself to become “weaker” in this sense can be a form of showing my love and affection to him. “Love, and do what you will” (St. Augustine of Hippo)
Resolutions:
- I myself will not suggest watching movies or snacking as an idea for our free time, but I will not decline my husband’s invitation to do so, as long as my prayer times and duties to my children (ex. giving them their baths, making sure they have outside time, etc.) are protected. I will make sure to say this explicitly to him. (ex. “Yes! First I need to finish my rosary and get the kids their dinner” or “Definitely a couple episodes, but I do need to be in bed by 7:00 PM”).
- Continue to invite my husband to prayer times with me and share videos, quotes, and ideas that I genuinely find exciting or interesting, thus not only “sharing the fruits” of my prayer and study with him but letting him associate my joy and pleasure with these higher goods.
- Throughout the day, if I find myself excited at the thought of hanging out with him or picturing the snack we will enjoy, I will thank God for a loving husband and the opportunities for these simple pleasures. Then, I will change the idea or return to my current task with full attention so as not to build the desire.
Prayer:
O my God, I desire to never again offend you by being too attached to my husband or by trying to please him more than my duty to him calls for. Bless my intentions and my resolutions so that I may live my vocation of marriage in a manner perfectly pleasing to you. I pray for the graces that come with the Sacrament of Matrimony so that both my husband and I can become a holy couple that seeks You above all things for Your own sake. Amen.
LPC Meditations 