LPC Meditations

Sharing the fruits of contemplation and study for the glory of God

Tag: catholicism

  • Resolutions for Mindfulness in Prayer and Work

    When there are a thousand tasks filling my head, tempting me to anxiety and worry, I will breathe and focus on my current duty. I will abandon them all to God and ask that His Divine Will be done, rather than mine. When I trust in Him and in His Providence, then I can rest assured that it will all be handled:

    Since he clings to me in love, I will free him;

    protect him for he knows my name.

    When he calls I shall answer: “I am with you.”

    I will save him in distress and give him glory.” (Psalm 91:14; Night Prayer Divine Office)

    What will I focus on today then? What will my resolutions be for today that I can put my entire energy on, especially in the moments of difficulty and frustration?

    I will complete every task, no matter how menial, with the most devotion, love, and focus. I will pick up clothing from the floor and place it gently in its proper place, keeping my eyes fixed on where I plan to put it. I will wipe every nook and groove of the dishes I wash, paying attention to the movement of my hands and the force I place on the sponge with my fingers. I will move my mouth freely to enunciate every syllable during my prayers, taking special care not to rush or speak with mindlessness. I will offer up all these small works and envision how by using my body in fulfilling my duties, I am praising God and being the faithful servant I was made to be.

    I will return to this mindfulness whenever I catch myself in anxious thoughts and imaginations or if I feel pressured to hurry because of a screaming child or sibling argument in the background. That will simply become my next task, so I can with the same calmness, pause my current activity and turn to address the problem.

    I will not allow myself to get carried away with frustration, annoyance, and anger at any chaos happening around me. I will picture myself like Peter and his fellow apostles in the storm, but will keep my eyes on Christ. I will bless the Lord for those opportunities and will soften my face, my body, and my heart when I am tempted to self-pity and become hardened with irritation at my situation.

    I will be careful not to mix up my personal preferences with my real duties to educate and discipline my children. I will accept that they are full of folly and need my patience and tenderness to help them overcome this stage. I will throw myself to the mercy of God because it is only then that He will help me–not when I lean on my own strength.

    Mother of Good Counsel, pray for me. Amen.

  • Meditating on Death to Produce Fruit Pleasing to God

    From St. Alphonsus’ Preparation for Death, available on Saints’ Books

    Consideration 1, Third Point: Description of one who has Departed this Life

    “My brother, in this description of death, thou seest thyself, and that, which one day thou wilt be, ” Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” Reflect, for in a few years, nay, perhaps in a few months, and even days, thou wilt become a mass of corruption and worms.”

    The certainty of death doesn’t seem so threatening initially, especially because I am still so young. Death feels far away and seems it will happen in my old age, when my hair is white, my skin wrinkly, and my body bent over. I picture myself resting on a bed, surrounded by family and a priest, ready to offer me my last sacraments.

    But I have absolutely no guarantee of this ideal scenario. I know that family, friends, and acquaintances have died suddenly and unexpectedly. One day, they were healthy and with the expectation of living for decades more, and the next they were in the hospital from a sudden attack of a hidden infirmity that took their life in a matter of hours. I see it on the news all the time as well. I hear of people caught in the middle of a shooting or a crash on the freeway or an accident at work–people who are often just as young as I am.

    Knowing this uncertainty, I should be careful not to wave off my approaching death and assume I will have time to make amends with God. I should treat each day as if it will be the last chance I have to show my repentance to God and use each moment to turn my desires back to Him, making sure my every intention is to obey and abandon my plans to His will.

    St. Alphonsus continues:

    “But perhaps, my brother, thou mightst with reason fear, lest thou shouldst be like that barren fig-tree, concerning which our blessed Lord said, ” Behold these three years I come seeking fruit on this fig-tree, and find none.” (S. Luke xiii.- 7.) Take care, remarks S. Bernard, for the Lord does not require flowers only, but seeks for fruit also ; that is to say, not only good desires and resolutions, but also good works. Therefore, take care to make good use of the time which God in His mercy grants to you ; do not wait until ” time shall be no longer” to desire to do good when it shall be said unto you : ” Time shall be no longer, depart.”

    Indeed, I should take care and aim for real results in my work because God doesn’t just look for good feelings and sentiments. He looks for actual change in my behavior, thoughts, and decisions. He looks for real results and perseverance in my resolutions, not just good wishes and imaginations. It is scary to think that I could go my whole life imagining that I am saved when all I have had are some pleasant emotions and motivation but none of the effects of those graces. How terrifying to be told “depart” by the God whom I thought I was serving this whole time.

    Oh my Lord, do not let me fall into this illusion. Do not let me become self-satisfied and complacent in my spiritual growth. Continue to reveal my weaknesses to me. Show me where I am still not producing fruits or where I am producing the bad fruits that you despise. I desire for You to take pleasure in the fruits I do produce, but I cannot do this of my own accord. I am too ignorant to know what I ought to do and even if I do know, I am often too weak to act as I ought.

    I ask that You help me this day to see your commands in all I do and to see my vocation as a wife, as a mother to young children, and as a homemaker as the means by which I fulfill those commands. Even as I tend to basic tasks–washing dishes, answering emails, and so on–or interact with others in my day–on my drives, my appointments, and so on–I wish to use these opportunities as ways to be pleasant and calm, never anxious about how things are to turn out or how they may go wrong. Help me reject all thoughts of bitterness, anger, frustration, distraction, and anything else that might displease You in the slightest. Help me embrace all the sufferings You send my way today and treat every second as if it might be my last, so when it is finally time, I may be prepared to face You.

    St. Dominic, pray for me. Blessed Mother Mary, pray for me. Amen.

  • Meditating on Death to Avoid Temptation and Vain Thoughts

    From St. Alphonsus’ Preparation for Death, available on Saints’ Books

    Consideration 1, Second Point: Further descriptions of one who has departed this life

    “In that corruption many worms are generated, which feed upon the flesh. The rats come to feast upon the body, some on the outside, others entering into the mouth and bowels. The cheeks, the lips, and the hair fall in pieces ; the ribs are the first to become bare of flesh, then the arms and the legs…

    …in the end, nothing remains of that body but a fetid skeleton, which, in course of time, is divided, the bones being separated,
    and the head falling from the body…

    …Behold, then, what man is a little dust upon a threshing-floor, which is carried away by the wind.”

    Do I really want to spend 10 minutes examining my face for imperfections like scars, pimples, and unwanted facial hair when that same skin will rot away? Do I really want to eat impulsively and commit sins of gluttony and intemperance when that very mouth and throat will be eaten away itself? Do I want to compare my body to others, judging and scorning others or submitting to envy at the beauty of others when we will all be the same in the end–dry bones and eventually dust? Do I want to offend my God in all these ways and more because of passions of the flesh–because I believe fulfilling these impulsive desires will bring some sort of satisfaction to me when in reality, they can become the cause of my damnation?

    How many times do these thoughts distract me from my real duties? How many times am I distracted from prayer then become discouraged or from giving attention to my children then become angry at the chaos that follows from that distraction? I should reject these illusions early, before I have allowed them to steal away my energy and focus on the tasks I am called to do. Perhaps all my other problems will be addressed if I keep myself on track with this meditation–always remembering what I will end up like, as well as those around me. Perhaps these images of decay and bodily corruption will reveal the emptiness of my temptations and will allow me to dismiss them more easily. How can I continue to stress about the furniture layout of my living room or about finding the best apartment if I know I might be carried out of it, never to see it again? Or about my clothes, knowing they will be given away or donated after my death? Truly, the anxieties of this world disappear at the knowledge that they are not permanent, but because of my weakness and shallow-mindedness, I quickly forget this truth and return to the same anxieties.

    My God, help me to never forget the truth of my short life. Keep my death in mind so I can keep my focus on what truly matters–Your perfect will and adorable commands. Help me be, instead, like David and pray:

    “Lord, let me know my end, the number of my days,

    that I may learn how frail I am.” (Psalm 39:5, USCCB)

  • Meditating on Death Leads to Detachment

    From St. Alphonsus’ Preparation for Death.

    Consideration 1: Description of one who has Departed this Life.

    First Point: “Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return” (Genesis 3:19)

    My goal is to be as ready as I can be for judgement at the day of my death, but I cannot do this without first becoming detached from the goods of this world. I must feel indifferent about losing them or at least be willing to give them up, if I am ever required to–including my own family. If I feel entitled to love, peace, comfort, acceptance, pleasure, bodily health, and so on, then I will become irritated if I lose them or if they are threatened. I desire to never be inflamed with anger towards another person or to put myself in a place of temptation because of my own attachments to earthly things–things which can be taken away at any moment.

    19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal.j

    20 But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal.

    21 For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. (Matthew 6:19-21, USCCB)

    To start becoming detached from these earthly goods, I can keep in mind where my final destination is–my death. I can see how these small, innocent pleasures will be taken away from me once my soul leaves my body. They will provide me no help at the moment of my death. The only thing that will comfort me is the knowledge that Christ died for my sins and that He has merited salvation for me. I want to be mindful of this truth at all times, so I know where my focus should always be.

    What am I to do, then? How will my life change practically from this desire?

    First, I will embrace every little opportunity of pain and discomfort. Coffee spilled on the rug? I accept it. A little bit stuffy in the car and I can’t take off my sweater? I accept it. My toddler screams so loud I have a ringing in my ear? I accept it. How can I ever be purged from my venial sins and vices, as the saints have, if I can hardly stand the smallest discomforts? Therefore, I accept them all and refuse to complain.

    Second, if I find myself complaining (whether in word, thought, or action), I will immediately humble myself to God and apologize for rejecting this small opportunity of detachment. I will instead accept the humiliation of my failure as the “substitute” and will resume my efforts to embrace those small pains. If I struggle to embrace them, I can try to picture them as preparation or training for my death and how much I prefer suffering now, while I have the chance, rather than in purgatory.

    Third, I will respond to thoughts of pleasures for goods or temptations of irritation with a thought of my approaching death. I will ask myself “Will this comfort me at all when I am weak, pale, and on the brink of death?”. I will simply move on and resume my focus on whatever task I was meant to be doing, refusing to give more attention or energy to something that will not profit me and will risk my readiness for death.

    Oh my God, I offer you these humble resolutions. I am weak and incapable of offering any great sacrifice to you. I don’t know how to mortify myself prudently like the saints did, but I can, at least, accept the smallest sacrifices you send my way. Help me to persevere and to prepare myself for the day of my death that you picked out for me. Please have patience with me and allow me to live long enough until I am sufficiently prepared to meet you. I cannot do this alone, so I ask for your help. Thank you for this meditation, for the time you have given me so far, and for the opportunity to amend my life. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 119: Recognition of my own ignorance and weakness

    131 I sigh with open mouth,

    yearning for your commandments.

    My heart aches with frustration at my inability to properly meditate on God’s word or will. It feels that my mind is blocked and I can’t make sense of any of the thoughts in my mind. All I have is a burning desire to know what God wants me to do and how I should behave today. I am afraid of starting my day because I don’t want to face the same temptations and repeat the same mistakes I have before.

    How can I be entrusted with the education of my own children if I seem to be so ignorant and incapable? All I can think of is how many times before I have resolved to live a simple, prayerful day, where I am detached from material goods and show nothing but patience and tenderness towards my family. Yet I feel like all I find within myself is vexation, gluttony, bitterness, and distraction.

    How can I approach the Lord with so much insult and ingratitude?

    143 Though distress and anguish come upon me,

    your commandments are my delight.

    144 Your testimonies are forever righteous;

    give me understanding that I may live.

    145 I call with all my heart, O LORD;

    answer me that I may keep your statutes.

    146 I call to you to save me

    that I may observe your testimonies.

    I must comfort my soul with the hope that God gives. I must have confidence in God’s mercy. I must not allow my sorrow and tears at my own failures to carry me so far that I despair, as Judas did. Peter cried bitter tears at his betrayal of Christ, yet also cried out that he loved Christ more than any of the other apostles (John 21:15-17).

    God knows I desire to do His will. He knows I desire to live out every second of my day faithfully. He knows my ignorance and weakness. It’s often me that forgets this and begins to rely on my own judgement. This sorrow at my inability to reason or fulfill my resolutions is my reminder of this fact. I was always this incapable but God had carried me through my weakness, and I gave credit to myself instead. I didn’t stop to thank Him for the graces He gave me but rather puffed myself up with the illusion that it was my intelligence, my virtues, and my work all along. I wanted the praise when it didn’t belong to me.

    75 I know, LORD, that your judgments are righteous;

    though you afflict me, you are faithful.

    76 May your mercy comfort me

    in accord with your promise to your servant.

    77 Show me compassion that I may live,

    for your law is my delight.

    I accept, Lord, my pain and ask that you take pity on me so that I can live and not fall into sin. I accept the humiliation and recognize it as your merciful work, so that I may give praise to You, who is entitled to it. I ask that although I feel completely incapable at the moment, that You do not abandon me but rather remain with me today. As I begin taking on my duties, I ask that you continue to work through me so I can complete all my tasks in their proper time, without losing my peace or my faith in You. Though I feel like I can’t form even one coherent thought or envision myself completing one resolution, I will move forward with faith and a will to abandon myself to You and Your help. I trust you will not leave me to my own devices. Be my guide and my comfort.

    Glory be to You forever. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 113: Pleading for Help in Overcoming Weakness and Not Sinking

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website.

    Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE. This chapter is split into two: ch. 113 pt.1, which is ch. 114 in the NABRE and ch. 113 pt.2 which is ch. 115 in the NABRE.

    “Not to us, O Lord, not to us; but to thy name give glory.” (ch. 113 pt.2 verse 1)

    There is no reason for you to help me, Lord, other than Your own glory. You created me for Your glory. You created my children for Your glory. You created us as a family to sacrifice to each other, forgive one another and in this way show Your presence in our souls–in our willingness to suffer patiently and endure one another’s faults.

    “He hath blessed all that fear the Lord, both little and great.” (c. 113 pt.2 verse 13)

    I am one of these little ones. I am unable to keep myself from sinning. The moment I take my eyes off of you and look down at my footsteps, to see where I should step and how, I immediately begin to waver. I have to quickly turn back to you to stabilize myself and get the courage to keep moving forward. I feel like St. Peter who only had the confidence to walk on the water without fear of sinking when He was looking at You, after being commanded to “come”. (Matthew 14:24-31)

    How many times have I failed You? How many times have I woken up, telling myself “Today! Today, I will not sin. Today, I will be patient, hold my tongue, and work joyfully without complaining.” Then at the end of the day, when I have failed my resolutions, I shamefully come back to You and ask for the strength to try again–to not allow the repeated failures to cause me to despair. Indeed, I would have given up long ago if it wasn’t You who commanded I come, I would have refused to approach You if You weren’t so merciful so as to bless even the little ones–those of us far from sainthood and full of failures in our resolutions to be better.

    “The dead shall not praise thee, O Lord: nor any of them that go down to hell. But we that live bless the Lord: from this time now and for ever.” (Ch. 13 pt. 2 verses 17-18)

    For Your glory, help me! I cannot fulfill my purpose in serving You and glorifying You for all eternity if I fall down into hell. So for Your cause, call me again today. In my moments of weakness, remind me You are there so I can regain my strength to keep walking in these unstable waters, where I feel as if at any moment my foot will sink in. Help me, as little as I am, so I can bless You through my actions and thoughts.

    Help me so I can serve my family today with unwavering calmness, with a permanent abandonment to Your will at every moment–never allowing myself to be carried off into anxious planning.

    Help me so I can forgive my children for their many faults, both little and big, and see my relationship to them through You, remembering that their little hearts are bound up in folly and will need help driving it away for years to come (Proverbs 22:15).

    Help me so I can embrace the humiliating fact of my weakness–the fact I will continue to suffer embarrassing temptations my whole life–so that I may not despair and may instead turn to You, crediting You for my ability to overcome. I want to say in those moments: “I am little, after all, this is normal. God will bless me because I fear Him.” On the other hand, when I feel puffed up in pride at my accomplishments, I want to turn around and say “Give glory not to me, Lord, not to me, but to You”.

    My God, please bless my desires from today and turn them into fruits that I can offer You all throughout the day. I cannot do this on my own, so please be my Help and come to save me.

    St. Dominic, pray for me. St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for me. Blessed Mother Mary pray for me. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 112: Recognizing and Rejecting Sinful Thoughts

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website. Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE.

    “112: 5 Who is as the Lord our God, who dwelleth on high:

    112:6. and looketh down on the low things in heaven and in earth?

    112:7. Raising up the needy from the earth, and lifting up the poor out of the dunghill:

    112:8. That he may place him with princes, with the princes of his people.”

    It seems that almost every moment I am fighting off some ugly temptation or imagination from my mind. I can see an advertisement, a person walking down the street, a post on social media–really anything that I set my eye on–and my first temptation is one of scoffing, judgement, or ridicule. I feel like I’m waving off flies constantly, trying not to pay attention to these uncharitable or prideful thoughts. If I spend more than one second on these thoughts or indulge in them in any way, I am struck with shame at myself.

    “Why can’t I have better thoughts? Why can’t I think of God continuously and pray to Him always? Or pray to Him on behalf of others? Why do I, instead, get pleasure out of the base lifestyle of others–in the thought that I am better or holier than them? I should be sorrowful for them and the offense they bring God.”

    At the very least, I can take this humiliating fact of myself and offer that to God. I can recognize that I am an “unprofitable servant” and can barely escape the temptations that continuously swarm my mind. I can recognize that I am nowhere near the level of sanctity that I desire to be. I can take comfort in knowing that the disgust I feel towards these thoughts is a sign I reject them.

    Lord, see the miserable condition I am in and take pity. See that I do not consent to my temptations and that I immediately repent whenever I do. Please give me an overflowing love and tenderness for the souls I see, especially those that seem to be in sin. Give me empathy for them, so that I may pray for them earnestly and desire their salvation as much as You desire it. Lift my thoughts out of this earth–with its dunghills–and up towards higher, better things, so that as you look down on me, I may offer you only pleasing thoughts, words, and actions. Praise be to You for Your patience towards me. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 110: Trusting that God Will Provide the Food I Need

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website.

    “He hath given food to them that fear Him” (Psalm 110:5)

    In the Our Father, we pray that God gives us the bread that we need, and we do it daily because we continuously need nourishment for our bodies to survive. Why do we ask, though, or why do we need to fear Him if He grants it to all anyways:

    “…for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45)

    This universal goodness should make me take comfort in the mercy of God, since He will not deprive me of what I need. If I truly have my eyes on His kingdom alone, that is that I think nothing other than “what is my duty to God today”, then the answers and resources will be made available to me.

    In those moments where I slip into worry and wonder “How will I respond when this happens”, then I must remind myself that God will give me the food I need. He will give food to my soul, by feeding it with His graces and helping me overcome my temptations. My fear of Him and of His perfect judgement drives me to fulfill His commands as perfectly as I can but knowledge of His mercy and generosity comforts me in the moments I am most vulnerable.

    Lord, I do fear You and Your justice, so I ask for my food today. I ask for the strength I need to discipline my children with patience and firmness, to pray with devotion and to work and plan without anxiety. I fear my own weaknesses, so I turn to You and hold out my hands in expectation. You will answer my prayer. Amen.

  • Protecting Prayer to Overcome All Sin

    General Goal: Eradicate all form of sin from my life.

    Particular Goal: Protect my meditation and prayer times in a manner that is sustainable and reasonable to my state of life.

    Considerations:

    • The purpose of my life is to love God and to serve Him (Baltimore Catechism I Lesson 1. Q.6). I do this by ordering my life according to His will, obeying all His commands, and rooting out the smallest of sins or vices from my soul.
    • Meditation is essential to identifying and hating sin in my life while prayer is essential in receiving the graces to overcome them. Neglecting this means I will never overcome my venial sins and will likely backslide into a state of spiritual lukewarmness or even worse–mortal sin.
    • In order to ensure I meditate and pray regularly, I must identify and address anything (within my control) that takes away from the time needed to meditate and pray. In other words, I must protect the times to pray at all costs, while still fulfilling my duties towards my husband, children, and others that have a reasonable right to my time.
    • I must expect and accept the fact the trouble, discomforts, and disappointments that dedication to prayer might bring me. I must be okay with leaving early from family gatherings and receive complaints from them, heading to be earlier on movie nights though my husband asks me for another episode, and so on. I must also prevent myself from earnestly desiring or anticipating any of these fun, innocent activities so that I don’t become too attached and feel tempted to forego my resolutions. The more I hold them in my mind, the more “good” I see in them and the harder it will be to set them aside when I need to. I must avoid Eve’s mistake in beholding the forbidden fruit for too long: “The woman saw that the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eyes” (Genesis 3:6)
    • I must be OK with unexpected interruptions or with pausing my reserved times if it’s for the sake of charity: tending to my children when they have a fever or a stomach bug, an extra special occasion like a wedding that requires me to stay up later than usual, an unexpected guest during rosary time, etc. I should not allow temptations of scrupulosity or over-zealousness cause anxiety or frustration within myself, since these works are in themselves good, pleasing, and obedient to God

    Resolutions:

    • Identify the prayer times I am most likely to miss/have missed most often and plan the activities around that time extra carefully. I should make sure the children are busy with a quiet activity and that other tasks are scheduled in such a way that leaves me free to focus fully on prayer. Notify my husband of this so he knows it’s coming and that it doesn’t interfere with his plans
    • Set aside weekend bedtimes that let me stay up a little later than usual to spend quality time with my husband but still permit enough time in the morning for meditation and prayer. Notify him before date nights or movie nights begin and set a timer 30 minutes or 15 minutes before in order to mentally prepare and not delay when it’s time to wrap up the evening.
    • When going to family parties or other gatherings, keep the bedtime in mind and plan to leave with enough time to prep for bed (the children too), to fall asleep, and then still have enough time to wake up for prayer. Again, visualize the negative reactions this might cause so as to expect them and be OK with the disapproval/disappointment others will feel. If my husband objects and decides to stay, then it is no longer my responsibility and I am not the cause of any missed prayer times. I would, after all, be fulfilling another God-given duty: to submit to my husband as the head of the family (Ephesians 5:22)

    My God, please help me to detach from the simple pleasures of this life, especially from those I get from my spouse and our other friends and family. As much as I love them and enjoy their company, I do not wish them to become an obstacle to my devotion towards You. Help me keep the words of my Lord in mind so as to give me strength during those moments of temptation:

    “And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.” (Matthew 19:29)

    Mother of Good Counsel, pray for me. St. Joseph, pray for me. Glory be to God forever. Amen.

  • The Cross of Parenthood is my Path to Sanctity

    “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” (1 Corinthians 11:30)

    I thought my cross would come from outside the home. I waited for the suffering that seemed would be placed on me in some great and honorable way, like the martyrs and saints we remember. I expected it to come from outside of the home.

    But God had higher thoughts than that. He knew my weaknesses. He knew my pride. He knew the perfect way to destroy all vice within me, the hidden sinful thoughts that were disguised as virtues. He also knew how to use my strengths and my natural dispositions. He didn’t give me a great public image to use for preaching to the masses. He didn’t send me on a worldwide mission to feed the hungry or tend the sick. He didn’t introduce me to the convents and fill me with a wondrous attraction to a life as a celibate religious in my youth.

    He sent me parenthood.

    Parenthood stripped back the covers and revealed the ugliness of my vices–my impatience, my pride, my vanity, my intemperance–and began to root them out one by one.

    Parenthood revealed the value and attraction in the virtues and propelled me to learn discipline, prudence, perseverance, justice, and so on.

    Parenthood forced me to overcome my useless concerns, worries, and anxieties and helped me grow comfortable with pain, discomfort, and uncertainty.

    Parenthood showed me the necessity of my faith.

    By showing me the pitiful state of my soul, I realized the need I had of God and of His Holy Church to overcome my situation before it was too late. I found and desired prayer, the Sacraments, and study. I began to hate my vices and sought to destroy them within myself while growing in mercy and patience with those who still live out those vices.

    Yet, even as this truth is revealed to me, I continue to fight the wonderful cross placed on me. I feel pained at the fact that I always struggle with the same weaknesses, repeat the same venial sins, and face the same temptations. Temptations of anger. Temptations of desperation. Temptations of control and over-zealousness. I cry in confusion, wanting to be the perfect mother to my children and treat them as the children of God sent to me, always wondering why I can’t overcome these obstacles.

    It is these exact pains, however, that are the weaknesses I should bear. These pains and shames are the daily humiliation I need to remain humble at God’s feet and continue begging for His graces. The same failures prevent me from wagging my finger or shaking my head at other parents. They keep me wary of this dangerous life and help me remain vigilant so I can continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

    Jesus commanded us to be perfect as our Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48), and this need to work towards perfection will persist for the rest of my life. There will always be temptations to overcome, so I must not allow myself to grow discouraged at my own failures or signs of temptations. These are, rather, the very weaknesses I must boast about. As I overcome each one, I can say with confidence that it was not me who overcame them, but God. Without His graces and mercy, I would not be able to bear this cross of parenthood. Even if I fall, as Christ did three times, I can pick it back up and persevere until the end.

    I do not need to wait for some glorious martyrdom. I can die to God daily. I do not need to wait for some great suffering or sacrifice. I can embrace the daily, small sufferings and sacrifices of parenthood. I do not need to pursue virtues and good works outside the home. I can grow in those virtues and perform those good works in the home, for my children and through my parenting.

    Oh my God, please help me in this work. Sometimes, I can barely focus on keeping the cross upon my shoulders and it takes my whole energy to take one mere step. Let me focus on nothing but that step. Let me not focus on the long road ahead, so I may not despair at how much I have to go. Sometimes I feel like I am on the brink of falling over. Hold me up during those moments and send me a Simon to bear it with me–and give me the humility to accept his help!

    I desire nothing other than to serve You well. Give me the graces of Holy Matrimony to raise these children you sent me according to Your will. Help me to continue to grow in holiness and love of You through them and through this work. Amen.