LPC Meditations

Sharing the fruits of contemplation and study for the glory of God

Tag: god

  • Purging Hidden and Selfish Desires from Real Duties

    If I am not careful, I make decisions out of a hidden motivation to satisfy my own desires. These secret motives hide so easily because they are mixed in with real duties I have. If my daughter misbehaves or screams, I might scold her out of fear that the neighbors will become upset rather than my duty to help her regain control of her emotions and follow the rules of the household. If I see crumbs on the floor or my coffee spills under the toaster oven on the kitchen counter, I stop all I do to clean it up out of my urge to feel that things are clean rather than my duty to maintain order and structure in my house.

    These hidden fears and desires become problematic when I forget the real principle and motivation of all that I do, which is my duty to serve and love God above all things. This forgetfulness leaves a void which is quickly filled in by my own plans and impulses, which often change based off my emotions. Then, when those plans and impulses are interrupted, I am thrown into confusion, anger, and frustration, which in turn often leads to sin or a disturbed conscience and ruined peace.

    What instability and chaos! What a miserable state to be in!

    Oh my God, please do not forget me like I often forget You. Please keep me mindful of You all the day. Help me reject all idle, useless, and dangerous thoughts, desires, and fears. Help me purge my mind, my conscience, my will, and my heart of anything that is displeasing to You and fill it instead with a desire to serve You. If I am empty of myself, then I am always ready to act and move to Your will. If I destroy my self love–my wishes, my dreams, my desires–then there will be nothing holding me back from doing what is best at every second of the day.

    I will aim to keep my mind empty of any plans, other than what presents itself as the immediate need of that moment. I will wave away all idle thoughts and random memories that distract me from You. I will be vigilant for any selfish motive in my plans and will aim to root it out by dropping that plan, or if it is too late, by accepting that humiliation and returning my mind to You. I pray with David so I can be the servant always ready to act:

    “Yes, like the eyes of servants

    on the hand of their masters,

    Like the eyes of a maid

    on the hand of her mistress,

    So our eyes are on the LORD our God” (Psalm 123:2, USCCB)

    Blessed Mother Mary, who obeyed God at all moments of your life, pray for me. St. Joseph, who obeyed silently, pray for me. God, have mercy on me. Amen.

  • Meditating on Death to Produce Fruit Pleasing to God

    From St. Alphonsus’ Preparation for Death, available on Saints’ Books

    Consideration 1, Third Point: Description of one who has Departed this Life

    “My brother, in this description of death, thou seest thyself, and that, which one day thou wilt be, ” Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” Reflect, for in a few years, nay, perhaps in a few months, and even days, thou wilt become a mass of corruption and worms.”

    The certainty of death doesn’t seem so threatening initially, especially because I am still so young. Death feels far away and seems it will happen in my old age, when my hair is white, my skin wrinkly, and my body bent over. I picture myself resting on a bed, surrounded by family and a priest, ready to offer me my last sacraments.

    But I have absolutely no guarantee of this ideal scenario. I know that family, friends, and acquaintances have died suddenly and unexpectedly. One day, they were healthy and with the expectation of living for decades more, and the next they were in the hospital from a sudden attack of a hidden infirmity that took their life in a matter of hours. I see it on the news all the time as well. I hear of people caught in the middle of a shooting or a crash on the freeway or an accident at work–people who are often just as young as I am.

    Knowing this uncertainty, I should be careful not to wave off my approaching death and assume I will have time to make amends with God. I should treat each day as if it will be the last chance I have to show my repentance to God and use each moment to turn my desires back to Him, making sure my every intention is to obey and abandon my plans to His will.

    St. Alphonsus continues:

    “But perhaps, my brother, thou mightst with reason fear, lest thou shouldst be like that barren fig-tree, concerning which our blessed Lord said, ” Behold these three years I come seeking fruit on this fig-tree, and find none.” (S. Luke xiii.- 7.) Take care, remarks S. Bernard, for the Lord does not require flowers only, but seeks for fruit also ; that is to say, not only good desires and resolutions, but also good works. Therefore, take care to make good use of the time which God in His mercy grants to you ; do not wait until ” time shall be no longer” to desire to do good when it shall be said unto you : ” Time shall be no longer, depart.”

    Indeed, I should take care and aim for real results in my work because God doesn’t just look for good feelings and sentiments. He looks for actual change in my behavior, thoughts, and decisions. He looks for real results and perseverance in my resolutions, not just good wishes and imaginations. It is scary to think that I could go my whole life imagining that I am saved when all I have had are some pleasant emotions and motivation but none of the effects of those graces. How terrifying to be told “depart” by the God whom I thought I was serving this whole time.

    Oh my Lord, do not let me fall into this illusion. Do not let me become self-satisfied and complacent in my spiritual growth. Continue to reveal my weaknesses to me. Show me where I am still not producing fruits or where I am producing the bad fruits that you despise. I desire for You to take pleasure in the fruits I do produce, but I cannot do this of my own accord. I am too ignorant to know what I ought to do and even if I do know, I am often too weak to act as I ought.

    I ask that You help me this day to see your commands in all I do and to see my vocation as a wife, as a mother to young children, and as a homemaker as the means by which I fulfill those commands. Even as I tend to basic tasks–washing dishes, answering emails, and so on–or interact with others in my day–on my drives, my appointments, and so on–I wish to use these opportunities as ways to be pleasant and calm, never anxious about how things are to turn out or how they may go wrong. Help me reject all thoughts of bitterness, anger, frustration, distraction, and anything else that might displease You in the slightest. Help me embrace all the sufferings You send my way today and treat every second as if it might be my last, so when it is finally time, I may be prepared to face You.

    St. Dominic, pray for me. Blessed Mother Mary, pray for me. Amen.

  • Meditating on Death to Avoid Temptation and Vain Thoughts

    From St. Alphonsus’ Preparation for Death, available on Saints’ Books

    Consideration 1, Second Point: Further descriptions of one who has departed this life

    “In that corruption many worms are generated, which feed upon the flesh. The rats come to feast upon the body, some on the outside, others entering into the mouth and bowels. The cheeks, the lips, and the hair fall in pieces ; the ribs are the first to become bare of flesh, then the arms and the legs…

    …in the end, nothing remains of that body but a fetid skeleton, which, in course of time, is divided, the bones being separated,
    and the head falling from the body…

    …Behold, then, what man is a little dust upon a threshing-floor, which is carried away by the wind.”

    Do I really want to spend 10 minutes examining my face for imperfections like scars, pimples, and unwanted facial hair when that same skin will rot away? Do I really want to eat impulsively and commit sins of gluttony and intemperance when that very mouth and throat will be eaten away itself? Do I want to compare my body to others, judging and scorning others or submitting to envy at the beauty of others when we will all be the same in the end–dry bones and eventually dust? Do I want to offend my God in all these ways and more because of passions of the flesh–because I believe fulfilling these impulsive desires will bring some sort of satisfaction to me when in reality, they can become the cause of my damnation?

    How many times do these thoughts distract me from my real duties? How many times am I distracted from prayer then become discouraged or from giving attention to my children then become angry at the chaos that follows from that distraction? I should reject these illusions early, before I have allowed them to steal away my energy and focus on the tasks I am called to do. Perhaps all my other problems will be addressed if I keep myself on track with this meditation–always remembering what I will end up like, as well as those around me. Perhaps these images of decay and bodily corruption will reveal the emptiness of my temptations and will allow me to dismiss them more easily. How can I continue to stress about the furniture layout of my living room or about finding the best apartment if I know I might be carried out of it, never to see it again? Or about my clothes, knowing they will be given away or donated after my death? Truly, the anxieties of this world disappear at the knowledge that they are not permanent, but because of my weakness and shallow-mindedness, I quickly forget this truth and return to the same anxieties.

    My God, help me to never forget the truth of my short life. Keep my death in mind so I can keep my focus on what truly matters–Your perfect will and adorable commands. Help me be, instead, like David and pray:

    “Lord, let me know my end, the number of my days,

    that I may learn how frail I am.” (Psalm 39:5, USCCB)

  • Meditating on Death Leads to Detachment

    From St. Alphonsus’ Preparation for Death.

    Consideration 1: Description of one who has Departed this Life.

    First Point: “Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return” (Genesis 3:19)

    My goal is to be as ready as I can be for judgement at the day of my death, but I cannot do this without first becoming detached from the goods of this world. I must feel indifferent about losing them or at least be willing to give them up, if I am ever required to–including my own family. If I feel entitled to love, peace, comfort, acceptance, pleasure, bodily health, and so on, then I will become irritated if I lose them or if they are threatened. I desire to never be inflamed with anger towards another person or to put myself in a place of temptation because of my own attachments to earthly things–things which can be taken away at any moment.

    19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal.j

    20 But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal.

    21 For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. (Matthew 6:19-21, USCCB)

    To start becoming detached from these earthly goods, I can keep in mind where my final destination is–my death. I can see how these small, innocent pleasures will be taken away from me once my soul leaves my body. They will provide me no help at the moment of my death. The only thing that will comfort me is the knowledge that Christ died for my sins and that He has merited salvation for me. I want to be mindful of this truth at all times, so I know where my focus should always be.

    What am I to do, then? How will my life change practically from this desire?

    First, I will embrace every little opportunity of pain and discomfort. Coffee spilled on the rug? I accept it. A little bit stuffy in the car and I can’t take off my sweater? I accept it. My toddler screams so loud I have a ringing in my ear? I accept it. How can I ever be purged from my venial sins and vices, as the saints have, if I can hardly stand the smallest discomforts? Therefore, I accept them all and refuse to complain.

    Second, if I find myself complaining (whether in word, thought, or action), I will immediately humble myself to God and apologize for rejecting this small opportunity of detachment. I will instead accept the humiliation of my failure as the “substitute” and will resume my efforts to embrace those small pains. If I struggle to embrace them, I can try to picture them as preparation or training for my death and how much I prefer suffering now, while I have the chance, rather than in purgatory.

    Third, I will respond to thoughts of pleasures for goods or temptations of irritation with a thought of my approaching death. I will ask myself “Will this comfort me at all when I am weak, pale, and on the brink of death?”. I will simply move on and resume my focus on whatever task I was meant to be doing, refusing to give more attention or energy to something that will not profit me and will risk my readiness for death.

    Oh my God, I offer you these humble resolutions. I am weak and incapable of offering any great sacrifice to you. I don’t know how to mortify myself prudently like the saints did, but I can, at least, accept the smallest sacrifices you send my way. Help me to persevere and to prepare myself for the day of my death that you picked out for me. Please have patience with me and allow me to live long enough until I am sufficiently prepared to meet you. I cannot do this alone, so I ask for your help. Thank you for this meditation, for the time you have given me so far, and for the opportunity to amend my life. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 112: Recognizing and Rejecting Sinful Thoughts

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website. Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE.

    “112: 5 Who is as the Lord our God, who dwelleth on high:

    112:6. and looketh down on the low things in heaven and in earth?

    112:7. Raising up the needy from the earth, and lifting up the poor out of the dunghill:

    112:8. That he may place him with princes, with the princes of his people.”

    It seems that almost every moment I am fighting off some ugly temptation or imagination from my mind. I can see an advertisement, a person walking down the street, a post on social media–really anything that I set my eye on–and my first temptation is one of scoffing, judgement, or ridicule. I feel like I’m waving off flies constantly, trying not to pay attention to these uncharitable or prideful thoughts. If I spend more than one second on these thoughts or indulge in them in any way, I am struck with shame at myself.

    “Why can’t I have better thoughts? Why can’t I think of God continuously and pray to Him always? Or pray to Him on behalf of others? Why do I, instead, get pleasure out of the base lifestyle of others–in the thought that I am better or holier than them? I should be sorrowful for them and the offense they bring God.”

    At the very least, I can take this humiliating fact of myself and offer that to God. I can recognize that I am an “unprofitable servant” and can barely escape the temptations that continuously swarm my mind. I can recognize that I am nowhere near the level of sanctity that I desire to be. I can take comfort in knowing that the disgust I feel towards these thoughts is a sign I reject them.

    Lord, see the miserable condition I am in and take pity. See that I do not consent to my temptations and that I immediately repent whenever I do. Please give me an overflowing love and tenderness for the souls I see, especially those that seem to be in sin. Give me empathy for them, so that I may pray for them earnestly and desire their salvation as much as You desire it. Lift my thoughts out of this earth–with its dunghills–and up towards higher, better things, so that as you look down on me, I may offer you only pleasing thoughts, words, and actions. Praise be to You for Your patience towards me. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 110: Trusting that God Will Provide the Food I Need

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website.

    “He hath given food to them that fear Him” (Psalm 110:5)

    In the Our Father, we pray that God gives us the bread that we need, and we do it daily because we continuously need nourishment for our bodies to survive. Why do we ask, though, or why do we need to fear Him if He grants it to all anyways:

    “…for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45)

    This universal goodness should make me take comfort in the mercy of God, since He will not deprive me of what I need. If I truly have my eyes on His kingdom alone, that is that I think nothing other than “what is my duty to God today”, then the answers and resources will be made available to me.

    In those moments where I slip into worry and wonder “How will I respond when this happens”, then I must remind myself that God will give me the food I need. He will give food to my soul, by feeding it with His graces and helping me overcome my temptations. My fear of Him and of His perfect judgement drives me to fulfill His commands as perfectly as I can but knowledge of His mercy and generosity comforts me in the moments I am most vulnerable.

    Lord, I do fear You and Your justice, so I ask for my food today. I ask for the strength I need to discipline my children with patience and firmness, to pray with devotion and to work and plan without anxiety. I fear my own weaknesses, so I turn to You and hold out my hands in expectation. You will answer my prayer. Amen.

  • Meditating on Death is Essential

    I want to live like a saint. I want to live for Christ alone and not seek the pleasures of this life–as innocent as they may be–but rather see them as means to get to Christ. I read how the saints prefer to die a thousand deaths and relive thousands of sufferings or even an eternity of purgatory rather than offend God once or stand in His presence with one sin on their soul–not even one blemish.

    I find myself shuddering at these thoughts. I can barely picture myself enduring ONE death, much less a thousand painful ones. This fear of suffering signals to me that I am nowhere near the level of sanctity I long to have. I am too attached to the comforts and pleasures of this world, so I am pained at the mere THOUGHT of losing them. This means I must do something to change the way I view the joys of this world and put them in their proper place. I will begin to meditate on death more vividly than before, and I will use St. Alphonsus Liguori’s Preparation for Death to do so, at least as a starting point.

    When I begin to desire a cup of warm coffee, I will picture my cold body, pale and spotted blue. What good would that warmth do then?

    When I begin to excite at the thought of a nice restaurant meal, I will picture my lifeless tongue and open mouth in my coffin. What good would the flavors and texture of that dish do then?

    When I begin to worry about my appearance to others or how my personality or thoughts might displease them or repel them from me, I will picture how they, too, will be laid stiff in a coffin. What good would their opinion of me be then?

    I am put off by thinking such things and it feels grim to always be bringing death to mind but it must be done. As St. Alphonsus Liguori says, we are rushing to death–every breath brings us closer to that final day. How can I possibly let myself forget this? I may not be able to have a skull with me to always look at, as the Benedictines do, but I can hold the thought in my mind. I can use my approaching death as a reminder to keep my desires in check, to keep my priorities straight, and to continue working out my salvation in fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

    Ultimately, my goal is to become holy. I do not want to be depressed thinking about dead bodies all the time. Our Lord Jesus wept at the death of His friend Lazarus and He Himself destroyed death by His resurrection. I want to desire God above all things, for His own sake, but to do this, I need to first overcome the illusions I have–the false idea I will live forever. I need to shatter the image as the “main character” that will never be killed off and make myself realize that I am like everyone else and will one day be on my own death bed. It is sobering, but it is necessary. My day of judgement is coming, but I will not feel that as real unless I first understand that I will die. So, I pray with David:

    “Lord, let me know my end, and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is!” (Psalm 39:4)

  • Meditation on Psalm 100: Turning Disgust of Sin to Love of the Sinner

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website. Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE.

    100:5 The man that in private detracted his neighbour, him did I persecute. With him that had a proud eye, and an unsatiable heart, I would not eat.

    100:6. My eyes were upon the faithful of the earth, to sit with me: the man that walked in the perfect way, he served me.

    100:7. He that worketh pride shall not dwell in the midst of my house: he that speaketh unjust things did not prosper before my eyes.

    100:8. In the morning I put to death all the wicked of the land: that I might cut off all the workers of iniquity from the city of the Lord.

    David, as king, was able to create a kingdom that was holy and pleasing to God. He did this by using his power to eliminate all the evil from those within his presence to those working evil amongst the people. He went as far as to put them to death. This was his zeal. This was his refusal to negotiate or compromise with sin.

    Such behavior seems off-putting and “problematic” to a more modern mind. It makes sense–we live in a free-thinking society and a country that permits freedom of religion. We must learn to live alongside those who disagree with us and even think us evil, or vice versa (that we think their religion or philosophy or political beliefs evil).

    How, then, are we meant to have this same zeal of hatred to sin, like David? How are we meant to show our utter hatred for sin and refusal to compromise while also living peacefully alongside our erring and wayward neighbors? Are we meant to isolate ourselves into our own Christian communities, and so keep our eyes “upon the faitfhul of the earth”? Are we meant to ignore those that “speaketh unjust things” and refuse to eat with those that have a “proud eye” and an “insatiable heart”?

    This cannot be, otherwise we would end up talking to nobody–all of us are sinners. And how are we meant to evangelize if we cannot even look at those who reject our faith? I can imitate David in his zeal by “putting to death” the sin which abids within me. As Christ says:

    “…remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

    We are still meant to correct our neighbor and eliminate that sin from his soul. We are meant to have a burning hatred for the vices and disgust for the corruption that people engage in. It is NORMAL to be put off by immodest clothing and speech, to frown at the casual blaspheming of the Lord’s name, and the drunkedness of our neighbors. It is NORMAL to want to look away from them and to separate myself from them, because if we live carefully according to the teachings of the Church, our consciences will groan at the sins of others. The danger is in letting that pain and anger be directed at the soul that is engaged in that sin.

    I can easily reiterate and defend the teachings of Christ’s Church and diligently study to grow in that knowledge. I can say with confidence that I am not in mortal sin and that I am diligently examining my own conscience so as not to do one thing, not agree to one thought, that is displeasing to God. I have already removed that log from my eye, which is why I can recognize my faults, my vices, and my venial sins that I labor tearfully to remove from myself. I am disgusted by sin within myself, so of course I will be disgusted by sin in others. There is no shame in that but rather implies that I am heading in the right direction

    My challenge is in restraining the disgust and redirecting it to where it belongs. I must never allow my revulsion to sinful behavior be directed at the sinner. If I see someone who seems to be sinning or living in vice, I must not allow my own pride to puff up in knowing or suspecting that I live a more devout life or am more advanced than they are. On the contrary, it means I have a duty to offer up my prayers for that soul–reminding myself that they were also created in God’s image. They were created for the purpose of serving Him and being happy with Him forever in heaven–not just me. They were not created so that I may look holy in contrast to them.

    That is my resolution and I will fulfill it by doing the following whenever I see anyone speaking, acting, dressing, or behaving in any form that I suspect might be sinful:

    • Offer up a Hail Mary for them
    • Pray for graces for that particlar individual, that they may become aware of their sin and feel contrition for it
    • Pray like St. Catherine “Today it is your turn, tomorrow it is mine, unless Divine Providence preserves me”.
    • Pray that my pride remains in check and that my hatred for sin is never directed at the soul in sin, that my love and tenderness for them may be like Christ who loves all and died for all.

    Lord, I offer up these resolutions to You. Help me to live up to them and not only think about them. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 44

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website.

    The Douay Rheims version is off by 1 chapter compared to more modern translations. Ex: Chapter 44 in the DR Bible is Chapter 45 in the NABRE version.

    “Hearken, O daughter, and see, and incline thy ear: and forget thy people and thy father’s house. And the king shall greatly desire thy beauty; for he is the Lord thy God, and him they shall adore” (Psalms 44:11)

    Meditation:

    How do I forget my people? How should I forget my father’s house? What does it mean by “my people” and “father’s house”? Augustine1 reads this “father” as “the devil” and “people” as unbelievers, gentiles or “the people of Babylon”. Before we are baptized, we are these unbelievers and gentiles, then were are reborn in baptism, which transforms us into the children of God and make us beautiful, worthy to look at by Him. Perhaps this is why only those who are baptized or clothed in the wedding garments are allowed to enter “the wedding feast” i.e. heaven.

    We hear Jesus in the gospel of Matthew share the parable of the guest who was cast back out when the king saw he had no wedding garments on (Matthew 22:11). So, if we desire to be worthy to be beheld by God and stay in His presence, then we must clothe ourselves properly, not only by receiving our baptism but also by casting off of ourselves our works of darkness, as St. Paul says to the Romans, and putting “on the armor of light” (Romans 13:12). 

    Resolution:

    I will examine my behavior throughout the day and ask myself, am I behaving in a way that would be fitting for a Christian? Would God be pleased with my thoughts or actions? 

    Prayer:

    Lord, do not cast me out of Your presence due to my weakness and poverty. I do not know how to behave and often find myself too weak to do the good things I want. Provide me with the wedding garments that I need to be in Your Presence–give me the strength I need to fulfill my duties now and grant me the graces to become ever more pleasing to You, that You may desire my beauty and gather me to Yourself. Amen. 

    1. St. Augustine of Hippo. “Exposition on Psalm 45.” New Advent. https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/1801045.htm ↩︎

  • Meditation on Psalm 43

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website

    11. Thou hast made us turn our back to our enemies: and they that hated us plundered for themselves. 12 Thou hast given us up like sheep to be eaten: thou hast scattered us among the nations. 13 Thou hast sold thy people for no price: and there was no reckoning in the exchange of them. 14 Thou hast made us a reproach to our neighbours, a scoff and derision to them that are round about us. 15 Thou hast made us a byword among the Gentiles: a shaking of the head among the people. 16 All the day long my shame is before me: and the confusion of my face hath covered me. 17 At the voice of him that reproacheth and detracteth me: at the face of the enemy and persecutor. And our heart hath not turned back: neither hast thou turned aside our steps from thy way. 20. For thou hast humbled us in the place of affliction: and the shadow of death hath covered us. 21 If we have forgotten the name of our God, and if we have spread forth our hands to a strange god: 22 Shall not God search out these things: for he knoweth the secrets of the heart. Because for thy sake we are killed all the day long: we are counted as sheep for the slaughter. 23 Arise, why sleepest thou, O Lord? arise, and cast us not off to the end. 24.Why turnest thou thy face away? and forgettest our want and our trouble? 25 For our soul is humbled down to the dust: our belly cleaveth to the earth. 26. Arise, O Lord, help us and redeem us for thy name’s sake.

    It is hard for me to relate to these feelings of desperation that David expresses to God. He says that all day his shame is before him, that “the shadow of death” covers him, and that his people are “counted as sheep for the slaughter”. It is very difficult to feel this persecution, since even when St. Augustine interprets it, it applies to the Church’s martyrs. I live in the midst of comforts and inalienable rights, with nobody to pursue me and put me to death. The only exception, however, is the devil. Yet, I feel silly looking for “the devil” as the cause of any trouble, yet there can’t be another source for the temptations that enter my soul. Who else other than the devil and his minions are seeking to cause me to sin and forsake God in my actions?

    I do not desire to sin. I do not desire to offend God. Yet, I find myself at war within myself, as St. Paul said, doing that which I don’t want; and not doing that which I do want to do. I want to kneel, pray and meditate yet am plagued with a million different distractions. I want to greet my children joyfully and tenderly, yet I get bothered and irritated at their childishness and misbehavior. I want to move about my day with peace, trusting in God with even small matters, yet I constantly fall into anxious thoughts, troubled with any decision. I end the day, exhausted and often ashamed– feeling that I failed in most or all my resolutions and that I can’t face God.

    What am I supposed to present Him with? What am I supposed to show Him what I did with the graces that He gave me? I can take advantage of this sorrow. Instead of granting a victory to the devil, by succumbing to my shame, I will offer it to God. I can recognize how my soul “is humbled down to the dust”, as David says, and can plead to God to help me rise above my weaknesses. I can trust that He will do so not for my sake, since there is nothing inherently good about me, but for His sake and glory. He created me for Him, so for that end, I will pray. I will not give in to the shame and humiliation of my failures in my resolutions, but will choose to trust in the mercy of God. I will see myself as the tax collector, beating his chest and accusing himself. 

    God, do not abandon me to my enemies who desire to see me fall in temptation and submit to despair over my weakness. Rather, give me the grace to persevere and embrace my weakness–for your sake.