This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website
11. Thou hast made us turn our back to our enemies: and they that hated us plundered for themselves. 12 Thou hast given us up like sheep to be eaten: thou hast scattered us among the nations. 13 Thou hast sold thy people for no price: and there was no reckoning in the exchange of them. 14 Thou hast made us a reproach to our neighbours, a scoff and derision to them that are round about us. 15 Thou hast made us a byword among the Gentiles: a shaking of the head among the people. 16 All the day long my shame is before me: and the confusion of my face hath covered me. 17 At the voice of him that reproacheth and detracteth me: at the face of the enemy and persecutor. And our heart hath not turned back: neither hast thou turned aside our steps from thy way. 20. For thou hast humbled us in the place of affliction: and the shadow of death hath covered us. 21 If we have forgotten the name of our God, and if we have spread forth our hands to a strange god: 22 Shall not God search out these things: for he knoweth the secrets of the heart. Because for thy sake we are killed all the day long: we are counted as sheep for the slaughter. 23 Arise, why sleepest thou, O Lord? arise, and cast us not off to the end. 24.Why turnest thou thy face away? and forgettest our want and our trouble? 25 For our soul is humbled down to the dust: our belly cleaveth to the earth. 26. Arise, O Lord, help us and redeem us for thy name’s sake.
It is hard for me to relate to these feelings of desperation that David expresses to God. He says that all day his shame is before him, that “the shadow of death” covers him, and that his people are “counted as sheep for the slaughter”. It is very difficult to feel this persecution, since even when St. Augustine interprets it, it applies to the Church’s martyrs. I live in the midst of comforts and inalienable rights, with nobody to pursue me and put me to death. The only exception, however, is the devil. Yet, I feel silly looking for “the devil” as the cause of any trouble, yet there can’t be another source for the temptations that enter my soul. Who else other than the devil and his minions are seeking to cause me to sin and forsake God in my actions?
I do not desire to sin. I do not desire to offend God. Yet, I find myself at war within myself, as St. Paul said, doing that which I don’t want; and not doing that which I do want to do. I want to kneel, pray and meditate yet am plagued with a million different distractions. I want to greet my children joyfully and tenderly, yet I get bothered and irritated at their childishness and misbehavior. I want to move about my day with peace, trusting in God with even small matters, yet I constantly fall into anxious thoughts, troubled with any decision. I end the day, exhausted and often ashamed– feeling that I failed in most or all my resolutions and that I can’t face God.
What am I supposed to present Him with? What am I supposed to show Him what I did with the graces that He gave me? I can take advantage of this sorrow. Instead of granting a victory to the devil, by succumbing to my shame, I will offer it to God. I can recognize how my soul “is humbled down to the dust”, as David says, and can plead to God to help me rise above my weaknesses. I can trust that He will do so not for my sake, since there is nothing inherently good about me, but for His sake and glory. He created me for Him, so for that end, I will pray. I will not give in to the shame and humiliation of my failures in my resolutions, but will choose to trust in the mercy of God. I will see myself as the tax collector, beating his chest and accusing himself.
God, do not abandon me to my enemies who desire to see me fall in temptation and submit to despair over my weakness. Rather, give me the grace to persevere and embrace my weakness–for your sake.
LPC Meditations 