LPC Meditations

Sharing the fruits of contemplation and study for the glory of God

  • Protecting Prayer to Overcome All Sin

    General Goal: Eradicate all form of sin from my life.

    Particular Goal: Protect my meditation and prayer times in a manner that is sustainable and reasonable to my state of life.

    Considerations:

    • The purpose of my life is to love God and to serve Him (Baltimore Catechism I Lesson 1. Q.6). I do this by ordering my life according to His will, obeying all His commands, and rooting out the smallest of sins or vices from my soul.
    • Meditation is essential to identifying and hating sin in my life while prayer is essential in receiving the graces to overcome them. Neglecting this means I will never overcome my venial sins and will likely backslide into a state of spiritual lukewarmness or even worse–mortal sin.
    • In order to ensure I meditate and pray regularly, I must identify and address anything (within my control) that takes away from the time needed to meditate and pray. In other words, I must protect the times to pray at all costs, while still fulfilling my duties towards my husband, children, and others that have a reasonable right to my time.
    • I must expect and accept the fact the trouble, discomforts, and disappointments that dedication to prayer might bring me. I must be okay with leaving early from family gatherings and receive complaints from them, heading to be earlier on movie nights though my husband asks me for another episode, and so on. I must also prevent myself from earnestly desiring or anticipating any of these fun, innocent activities so that I don’t become too attached and feel tempted to forego my resolutions. The more I hold them in my mind, the more “good” I see in them and the harder it will be to set them aside when I need to. I must avoid Eve’s mistake in beholding the forbidden fruit for too long: “The woman saw that the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eyes” (Genesis 3:6)
    • I must be OK with unexpected interruptions or with pausing my reserved times if it’s for the sake of charity: tending to my children when they have a fever or a stomach bug, an extra special occasion like a wedding that requires me to stay up later than usual, an unexpected guest during rosary time, etc. I should not allow temptations of scrupulosity or over-zealousness cause anxiety or frustration within myself, since these works are in themselves good, pleasing, and obedient to God

    Resolutions:

    • Identify the prayer times I am most likely to miss/have missed most often and plan the activities around that time extra carefully. I should make sure the children are busy with a quiet activity and that other tasks are scheduled in such a way that leaves me free to focus fully on prayer. Notify my husband of this so he knows it’s coming and that it doesn’t interfere with his plans
    • Set aside weekend bedtimes that let me stay up a little later than usual to spend quality time with my husband but still permit enough time in the morning for meditation and prayer. Notify him before date nights or movie nights begin and set a timer 30 minutes or 15 minutes before in order to mentally prepare and not delay when it’s time to wrap up the evening.
    • When going to family parties or other gatherings, keep the bedtime in mind and plan to leave with enough time to prep for bed (the children too), to fall asleep, and then still have enough time to wake up for prayer. Again, visualize the negative reactions this might cause so as to expect them and be OK with the disapproval/disappointment others will feel. If my husband objects and decides to stay, then it is no longer my responsibility and I am not the cause of any missed prayer times. I would, after all, be fulfilling another God-given duty: to submit to my husband as the head of the family (Ephesians 5:22)

    My God, please help me to detach from the simple pleasures of this life, especially from those I get from my spouse and our other friends and family. As much as I love them and enjoy their company, I do not wish them to become an obstacle to my devotion towards You. Help me keep the words of my Lord in mind so as to give me strength during those moments of temptation:

    “And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.” (Matthew 19:29)

    Mother of Good Counsel, pray for me. St. Joseph, pray for me. Glory be to God forever. Amen.

  • The Cross of Parenthood is my Path to Sanctity

    “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” (1 Corinthians 11:30)

    I thought my cross would come from outside the home. I waited for the suffering that seemed would be placed on me in some great and honorable way, like the martyrs and saints we remember. I expected it to come from outside of the home.

    But God had higher thoughts than that. He knew my weaknesses. He knew my pride. He knew the perfect way to destroy all vice within me, the hidden sinful thoughts that were disguised as virtues. He also knew how to use my strengths and my natural dispositions. He didn’t give me a great public image to use for preaching to the masses. He didn’t send me on a worldwide mission to feed the hungry or tend the sick. He didn’t introduce me to the convents and fill me with a wondrous attraction to a life as a celibate religious in my youth.

    He sent me parenthood.

    Parenthood stripped back the covers and revealed the ugliness of my vices–my impatience, my pride, my vanity, my intemperance–and began to root them out one by one.

    Parenthood revealed the value and attraction in the virtues and propelled me to learn discipline, prudence, perseverance, justice, and so on.

    Parenthood forced me to overcome my useless concerns, worries, and anxieties and helped me grow comfortable with pain, discomfort, and uncertainty.

    Parenthood showed me the necessity of my faith.

    By showing me the pitiful state of my soul, I realized the need I had of God and of His Holy Church to overcome my situation before it was too late. I found and desired prayer, the Sacraments, and study. I began to hate my vices and sought to destroy them within myself while growing in mercy and patience with those who still live out those vices.

    Yet, even as this truth is revealed to me, I continue to fight the wonderful cross placed on me. I feel pained at the fact that I always struggle with the same weaknesses, repeat the same venial sins, and face the same temptations. Temptations of anger. Temptations of desperation. Temptations of control and over-zealousness. I cry in confusion, wanting to be the perfect mother to my children and treat them as the children of God sent to me, always wondering why I can’t overcome these obstacles.

    It is these exact pains, however, that are the weaknesses I should bear. These pains and shames are the daily humiliation I need to remain humble at God’s feet and continue begging for His graces. The same failures prevent me from wagging my finger or shaking my head at other parents. They keep me wary of this dangerous life and help me remain vigilant so I can continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

    Jesus commanded us to be perfect as our Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48), and this need to work towards perfection will persist for the rest of my life. There will always be temptations to overcome, so I must not allow myself to grow discouraged at my own failures or signs of temptations. These are, rather, the very weaknesses I must boast about. As I overcome each one, I can say with confidence that it was not me who overcame them, but God. Without His graces and mercy, I would not be able to bear this cross of parenthood. Even if I fall, as Christ did three times, I can pick it back up and persevere until the end.

    I do not need to wait for some glorious martyrdom. I can die to God daily. I do not need to wait for some great suffering or sacrifice. I can embrace the daily, small sufferings and sacrifices of parenthood. I do not need to pursue virtues and good works outside the home. I can grow in those virtues and perform those good works in the home, for my children and through my parenting.

    Oh my God, please help me in this work. Sometimes, I can barely focus on keeping the cross upon my shoulders and it takes my whole energy to take one mere step. Let me focus on nothing but that step. Let me not focus on the long road ahead, so I may not despair at how much I have to go. Sometimes I feel like I am on the brink of falling over. Hold me up during those moments and send me a Simon to bear it with me–and give me the humility to accept his help!

    I desire nothing other than to serve You well. Give me the graces of Holy Matrimony to raise these children you sent me according to Your will. Help me to continue to grow in holiness and love of You through them and through this work. Amen.

  • Meditation on Balancing Duties to Husband and to God

    General Goal: Order my marriage to the will of God.

    Particular Goal: Show my husband that I enjoy spending time with him while still remaining detached internally from him and from the pleasures in spending time with him, such as date nights. Understand this balance of duty to husband and duty to God in order to gather the courage to say “no” to my husband when I need to.

    Considerations/Context:

    • I have a reputation and previous habit of being overly zealous, strict, or imprudent in my desire to fast or abstain from simple pleasures. Given this history, my husband is reasonably hesitant to agree with my worries about being overly indulgent or “worldly”, so I can’t simply tell him “we need to pray more and drink/eat less”.
    • I would be content using my extra time studying or praying. I would prefer to avoid eating tasty foods, snacks, or drinks, not because I think them evil, but because I would rather avoid building the habit or risk attachment to them. I am, however, willing to enjoy them with my husband when he asks so he knows I do like his company and enjoying these simple pleasures together.
    • The Church has a history of allowing earthly things and cultural traditions as long as the essentials of the faith are kept. The Apostles permitted Jewish traditions in early Christian history, as long as they were not seen as necessary for salvation. I should have no remorse, then, in enjoying good food and movies with my husband if I am doing so, not for my own pleasures nor for his, but rather to remove a potential obstacle from his attitude towards Christian life: “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings” (1 Corinthians 19:22-23). I know my husband is weaker spiritually than I am, at least at this point in time, so I cannot make the Christian life seem harsher than it really is or make our home culture stricter than it needs to be, thus making it distasteful to him as a result.
    • I know my husband rejoices at seeing me enjoy what he provides and that I can relax together with him, especially considering my more uptight personality. Allowing myself to become “weaker” in this sense can be a form of showing my love and affection to him. “Love, and do what you will” (St. Augustine of Hippo)

    Resolutions:

    • I myself will not suggest watching movies or snacking as an idea for our free time, but I will not decline my husband’s invitation to do so, as long as my prayer times and duties to my children (ex. giving them their baths, making sure they have outside time, etc.) are protected. I will make sure to say this explicitly to him. (ex. “Yes! First I need to finish my rosary and get the kids their dinner” or “Definitely a couple episodes, but I do need to be in bed by 7:00 PM”).
    • Continue to invite my husband to prayer times with me and share videos, quotes, and ideas that I genuinely find exciting or interesting, thus not only “sharing the fruits” of my prayer and study with him but letting him associate my joy and pleasure with these higher goods.
    • Throughout the day, if I find myself excited at the thought of hanging out with him or picturing the snack we will enjoy, I will thank God for a loving husband and the opportunities for these simple pleasures. Then, I will change the idea or return to my current task with full attention so as not to build the desire.

    Prayer:

    O my God, I desire to never again offend you by being too attached to my husband or by trying to please him more than my duty to him calls for. Bless my intentions and my resolutions so that I may live my vocation of marriage in a manner perfectly pleasing to you. I pray for the graces that come with the Sacrament of Matrimony so that both my husband and I can become a holy couple that seeks You above all things for Your own sake. Amen.

  • Meditating on Death is Essential

    I want to live like a saint. I want to live for Christ alone and not seek the pleasures of this life–as innocent as they may be–but rather see them as means to get to Christ. I read how the saints prefer to die a thousand deaths and relive thousands of sufferings or even an eternity of purgatory rather than offend God once or stand in His presence with one sin on their soul–not even one blemish.

    I find myself shuddering at these thoughts. I can barely picture myself enduring ONE death, much less a thousand painful ones. This fear of suffering signals to me that I am nowhere near the level of sanctity I long to have. I am too attached to the comforts and pleasures of this world, so I am pained at the mere THOUGHT of losing them. This means I must do something to change the way I view the joys of this world and put them in their proper place. I will begin to meditate on death more vividly than before, and I will use St. Alphonsus Liguori’s Preparation for Death to do so, at least as a starting point.

    When I begin to desire a cup of warm coffee, I will picture my cold body, pale and spotted blue. What good would that warmth do then?

    When I begin to excite at the thought of a nice restaurant meal, I will picture my lifeless tongue and open mouth in my coffin. What good would the flavors and texture of that dish do then?

    When I begin to worry about my appearance to others or how my personality or thoughts might displease them or repel them from me, I will picture how they, too, will be laid stiff in a coffin. What good would their opinion of me be then?

    I am put off by thinking such things and it feels grim to always be bringing death to mind but it must be done. As St. Alphonsus Liguori says, we are rushing to death–every breath brings us closer to that final day. How can I possibly let myself forget this? I may not be able to have a skull with me to always look at, as the Benedictines do, but I can hold the thought in my mind. I can use my approaching death as a reminder to keep my desires in check, to keep my priorities straight, and to continue working out my salvation in fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

    Ultimately, my goal is to become holy. I do not want to be depressed thinking about dead bodies all the time. Our Lord Jesus wept at the death of His friend Lazarus and He Himself destroyed death by His resurrection. I want to desire God above all things, for His own sake, but to do this, I need to first overcome the illusions I have–the false idea I will live forever. I need to shatter the image as the “main character” that will never be killed off and make myself realize that I am like everyone else and will one day be on my own death bed. It is sobering, but it is necessary. My day of judgement is coming, but I will not feel that as real unless I first understand that I will die. So, I pray with David:

    “Lord, let me know my end, and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is!” (Psalm 39:4)

  • Meditation on Psalm 100: Turning Disgust of Sin to Love of the Sinner

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website. Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE.

    100:5 The man that in private detracted his neighbour, him did I persecute. With him that had a proud eye, and an unsatiable heart, I would not eat.

    100:6. My eyes were upon the faithful of the earth, to sit with me: the man that walked in the perfect way, he served me.

    100:7. He that worketh pride shall not dwell in the midst of my house: he that speaketh unjust things did not prosper before my eyes.

    100:8. In the morning I put to death all the wicked of the land: that I might cut off all the workers of iniquity from the city of the Lord.

    David, as king, was able to create a kingdom that was holy and pleasing to God. He did this by using his power to eliminate all the evil from those within his presence to those working evil amongst the people. He went as far as to put them to death. This was his zeal. This was his refusal to negotiate or compromise with sin.

    Such behavior seems off-putting and “problematic” to a more modern mind. It makes sense–we live in a free-thinking society and a country that permits freedom of religion. We must learn to live alongside those who disagree with us and even think us evil, or vice versa (that we think their religion or philosophy or political beliefs evil).

    How, then, are we meant to have this same zeal of hatred to sin, like David? How are we meant to show our utter hatred for sin and refusal to compromise while also living peacefully alongside our erring and wayward neighbors? Are we meant to isolate ourselves into our own Christian communities, and so keep our eyes “upon the faitfhul of the earth”? Are we meant to ignore those that “speaketh unjust things” and refuse to eat with those that have a “proud eye” and an “insatiable heart”?

    This cannot be, otherwise we would end up talking to nobody–all of us are sinners. And how are we meant to evangelize if we cannot even look at those who reject our faith? I can imitate David in his zeal by “putting to death” the sin which abids within me. As Christ says:

    “…remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

    We are still meant to correct our neighbor and eliminate that sin from his soul. We are meant to have a burning hatred for the vices and disgust for the corruption that people engage in. It is NORMAL to be put off by immodest clothing and speech, to frown at the casual blaspheming of the Lord’s name, and the drunkedness of our neighbors. It is NORMAL to want to look away from them and to separate myself from them, because if we live carefully according to the teachings of the Church, our consciences will groan at the sins of others. The danger is in letting that pain and anger be directed at the soul that is engaged in that sin.

    I can easily reiterate and defend the teachings of Christ’s Church and diligently study to grow in that knowledge. I can say with confidence that I am not in mortal sin and that I am diligently examining my own conscience so as not to do one thing, not agree to one thought, that is displeasing to God. I have already removed that log from my eye, which is why I can recognize my faults, my vices, and my venial sins that I labor tearfully to remove from myself. I am disgusted by sin within myself, so of course I will be disgusted by sin in others. There is no shame in that but rather implies that I am heading in the right direction

    My challenge is in restraining the disgust and redirecting it to where it belongs. I must never allow my revulsion to sinful behavior be directed at the sinner. If I see someone who seems to be sinning or living in vice, I must not allow my own pride to puff up in knowing or suspecting that I live a more devout life or am more advanced than they are. On the contrary, it means I have a duty to offer up my prayers for that soul–reminding myself that they were also created in God’s image. They were created for the purpose of serving Him and being happy with Him forever in heaven–not just me. They were not created so that I may look holy in contrast to them.

    That is my resolution and I will fulfill it by doing the following whenever I see anyone speaking, acting, dressing, or behaving in any form that I suspect might be sinful:

    • Offer up a Hail Mary for them
    • Pray for graces for that particlar individual, that they may become aware of their sin and feel contrition for it
    • Pray like St. Catherine “Today it is your turn, tomorrow it is mine, unless Divine Providence preserves me”.
    • Pray that my pride remains in check and that my hatred for sin is never directed at the soul in sin, that my love and tenderness for them may be like Christ who loves all and died for all.

    Lord, I offer up these resolutions to You. Help me to live up to them and not only think about them. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 44

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website.

    The Douay Rheims version is off by 1 chapter compared to more modern translations. Ex: Chapter 44 in the DR Bible is Chapter 45 in the NABRE version.

    “Hearken, O daughter, and see, and incline thy ear: and forget thy people and thy father’s house. And the king shall greatly desire thy beauty; for he is the Lord thy God, and him they shall adore” (Psalms 44:11)

    Meditation:

    How do I forget my people? How should I forget my father’s house? What does it mean by “my people” and “father’s house”? Augustine1 reads this “father” as “the devil” and “people” as unbelievers, gentiles or “the people of Babylon”. Before we are baptized, we are these unbelievers and gentiles, then were are reborn in baptism, which transforms us into the children of God and make us beautiful, worthy to look at by Him. Perhaps this is why only those who are baptized or clothed in the wedding garments are allowed to enter “the wedding feast” i.e. heaven.

    We hear Jesus in the gospel of Matthew share the parable of the guest who was cast back out when the king saw he had no wedding garments on (Matthew 22:11). So, if we desire to be worthy to be beheld by God and stay in His presence, then we must clothe ourselves properly, not only by receiving our baptism but also by casting off of ourselves our works of darkness, as St. Paul says to the Romans, and putting “on the armor of light” (Romans 13:12). 

    Resolution:

    I will examine my behavior throughout the day and ask myself, am I behaving in a way that would be fitting for a Christian? Would God be pleased with my thoughts or actions? 

    Prayer:

    Lord, do not cast me out of Your presence due to my weakness and poverty. I do not know how to behave and often find myself too weak to do the good things I want. Provide me with the wedding garments that I need to be in Your Presence–give me the strength I need to fulfill my duties now and grant me the graces to become ever more pleasing to You, that You may desire my beauty and gather me to Yourself. Amen. 

    1. St. Augustine of Hippo. “Exposition on Psalm 45.” New Advent. https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/1801045.htm ↩︎

  • Meditation on Psalm 43

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website

    11. Thou hast made us turn our back to our enemies: and they that hated us plundered for themselves. 12 Thou hast given us up like sheep to be eaten: thou hast scattered us among the nations. 13 Thou hast sold thy people for no price: and there was no reckoning in the exchange of them. 14 Thou hast made us a reproach to our neighbours, a scoff and derision to them that are round about us. 15 Thou hast made us a byword among the Gentiles: a shaking of the head among the people. 16 All the day long my shame is before me: and the confusion of my face hath covered me. 17 At the voice of him that reproacheth and detracteth me: at the face of the enemy and persecutor. And our heart hath not turned back: neither hast thou turned aside our steps from thy way. 20. For thou hast humbled us in the place of affliction: and the shadow of death hath covered us. 21 If we have forgotten the name of our God, and if we have spread forth our hands to a strange god: 22 Shall not God search out these things: for he knoweth the secrets of the heart. Because for thy sake we are killed all the day long: we are counted as sheep for the slaughter. 23 Arise, why sleepest thou, O Lord? arise, and cast us not off to the end. 24.Why turnest thou thy face away? and forgettest our want and our trouble? 25 For our soul is humbled down to the dust: our belly cleaveth to the earth. 26. Arise, O Lord, help us and redeem us for thy name’s sake.

    It is hard for me to relate to these feelings of desperation that David expresses to God. He says that all day his shame is before him, that “the shadow of death” covers him, and that his people are “counted as sheep for the slaughter”. It is very difficult to feel this persecution, since even when St. Augustine interprets it, it applies to the Church’s martyrs. I live in the midst of comforts and inalienable rights, with nobody to pursue me and put me to death. The only exception, however, is the devil. Yet, I feel silly looking for “the devil” as the cause of any trouble, yet there can’t be another source for the temptations that enter my soul. Who else other than the devil and his minions are seeking to cause me to sin and forsake God in my actions?

    I do not desire to sin. I do not desire to offend God. Yet, I find myself at war within myself, as St. Paul said, doing that which I don’t want; and not doing that which I do want to do. I want to kneel, pray and meditate yet am plagued with a million different distractions. I want to greet my children joyfully and tenderly, yet I get bothered and irritated at their childishness and misbehavior. I want to move about my day with peace, trusting in God with even small matters, yet I constantly fall into anxious thoughts, troubled with any decision. I end the day, exhausted and often ashamed– feeling that I failed in most or all my resolutions and that I can’t face God.

    What am I supposed to present Him with? What am I supposed to show Him what I did with the graces that He gave me? I can take advantage of this sorrow. Instead of granting a victory to the devil, by succumbing to my shame, I will offer it to God. I can recognize how my soul “is humbled down to the dust”, as David says, and can plead to God to help me rise above my weaknesses. I can trust that He will do so not for my sake, since there is nothing inherently good about me, but for His sake and glory. He created me for Him, so for that end, I will pray. I will not give in to the shame and humiliation of my failures in my resolutions, but will choose to trust in the mercy of God. I will see myself as the tax collector, beating his chest and accusing himself. 

    God, do not abandon me to my enemies who desire to see me fall in temptation and submit to despair over my weakness. Rather, give me the grace to persevere and embrace my weakness–for your sake.