LPC Meditations

Sharing the fruits of contemplation and study for the glory of God

  • Living for God to Have a Peaceful Death

    “‘Go forth, my soul, of what are thou afraid? For well nigh seventy years thou hast served Christ, and dost thou now fear death?’…my soul, what dost thou fear after having served a God Who is faithful, and Who will never abandon him who has been faithful to Him in life?” (Preparation for Death; St Alphonsus de Liguori; P. 64)

    If at the end of my life, I truly want to say to God “I have lived my life for your sake”, then I must be careful that my actions really show that.

    God created me. I belong to Him. All I have belongs to Him. So, if I do not regard His will in how I choose to spend my time, my thoughts, and my money, then I cannot say “I have lived for Him”. If I act on impulse–on personal desire–with no consideration for the morality or even the pleasantness of my action in God’s eyes, then I cannot say “I have lived for Him”.

    St. Paul says that all is lawful but not all is beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23). I am permitted to eat anything I want without sin. I am permitted to listen and watch most things, provided it does not likely cause temptation towards sin. Yet, even if I can do most things without risking sin, the question becomes–is this how I can best spend my time on earth for God? Is my reason for this coffee and book “God’s will” or is it simply “I enjoy it”? Is my reason for spending an hour on Substack, Pinterest, or other social media really “God’s will” or is it my own personal desire?

    It is true that these things CAN be used as means to do God’s will, but that is usually not the intention I have when doing them. I simply act to satisfy a desire. I want to taste the creamer and rich coffee. I want to feel comfortable, curled up on the couch. I want to see something funny or interesting online. My reason was not seeking the salvation of souls. It’s not my own growth in holiness or study of the faith. It’s not even an intentional plan to refresh myself as quickly as possible so as to return to my work. It’s simply “I felt like I wanted to and it was not a sin”.

    As I approach the time of my death and I begin to be tempted with fear or despair, I want to tell myself to not fear because “Christ is living in me” (Galatians 2:19). I want to be able to point to my life and see the fruits of God’s grace in me and say “See? You served God as best as you could. If you failed, you immediately repented. Your intention was always to live for God. You hated sin and strove to please Him as best as you knew how. God is good, merciful, and faithful. He knows this and will not abandon You.”

    I do wish I could live my life in a great love for God, without regard of the pains of death that may come. As I am now, however, I am weak and motivated mostly by fear. By God’s mercy, I hope to grow and mature so that I may act out of love rather than fear, but I leave that in His hands.

    My God, I offer you my life and the works of my hands. Help me to offer them continuously throughout the day. Help me to remember–as I clean, cook, study, teach, plan, and drive–that I do it all for You. Teach me Your Wisdom and help me grow in knowledge of You so I may make all my decisions according to what pleases You. Strengthen me in my resolution that I may persevere until my death, so that I can say on that day “Be at rest, my soul, you lived for God”. Save me from my errors. Save me from my evil tendencies. Save me from my weakness. Amen.

    St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for me. St. Alphonsus, pray for me.

  • I Don’t Need to Be Seen as a Good Mother

    My desire to be seen as a good mother is what often stops me from being a good mother.

    I become more preoccupied with the opinions other have of me, than of my own children’s good. If they misbehave publicly, even in a small way, I feel myself panic inwardly and I immediately attempt to scold them or show some sort of outward sign that I disapprove of what they did. I would have disciplined them regardless, but because I want to seem like a mother who raises well-behaved children, I concern myself more with what it looks like I’m doing than what my children really need.

    Perhaps, they simply needed a small, gentle reminder. Perhaps, I could have done nothing then, and the consequences would have to be enforced at home. But if I feel like I appear as permissive and that my children seem to be spoiled (even if they’re not really), then I act imprudently. All because of my pride–my desire to be held in high esteem, often by strangers who I will never see again.

    What foolishness.

    May the Lord help me to destroy my attachment to my image and reputation. May He fill me with so much love for my children and destroy my disordered self-love, so that I only concern myself with what these souls in my care need. May I embrace those moments of public embarrassment or shame as a way of mortifying that self-love.

    St. Monica, pray for me. Blessed Mother Mary, pray for me. Amen.

  • Learning to Love Souls Like St. Catherine of Sienna

    The way to overcome all disgust, annoyance, and revulsion felt towards anyone is to look into the beauty of their soul–a beauty which came from God. It is this power that St. Catherine of Sienna had, which allowed her to bear constant criticism, calumny, and nagging from the very same sick people she was caring for. She was so determined to love them perfectly and without any sign of disgust from the open, rotting wounds of the patient, that she even drank the water that she was using to clean them!1 Most importantly, Jesus taught her how she could love even those who repel others by their sinful and vicious behavior:

    “Our Lord then suggested to his beloved spouse that if He, the source of all beauty, was so captivated with the loveliness of souls, as to descend to earth, and shed for them His precious Blood, how much more should we diligently labour for each other, so that a creature so admirable perish not.”2

    I must, then, look at others with this same love and tenderness that St. Catherine did–with the way Christ taught her. With my own children, for example, I must seek out the eternal, rational soul that God breathed into them whenever they are being mischievous, disobedient, or just plain annoying. In those moments, I want to show my irritation with my face or my voice, or I allow myself to mix in my anger with the real duty I have to discipline them.

    I must, therefore, fight against this disgust like St. Catherine did. If she was able to bear with false rumors and the nagging, and if she was able to respond to these with a consistent tenderness and zealous love, then I will make it my goal to imitate her. I, too, want to fall deeply in love with the souls of those around me, so that I may seek to protect them, bring out their beauty, and encourage them towards holiness. My own weakness often prevents me, so I must pray to receive the strength, patience, and perseverance I need.

    St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for me. Amen.

    1. “Life of St. Catherine of Sienna by Blessed Raymund Capua; Pg. 93:
      “One day as the servant of God uncovered the horrible ulcer to wash it, the infected odour which arose from it inspired a violent disgust which the devil strove to increase. Her stomach bounded with nausea. This repulse was so much the more painful to her, as, just then, the new victories which she had gained by the grace of the Holy Spirit, had helped her to acquire new virtues. Filled with a holy anger against herself, she said, ” thou shalt wallow what inspires thee with such horror : and immediately, collecting in a saucer the water in which she had washed what flowed from the wound, she went aside and drank the whole.” ↩︎
    2. Life of St. Catherine of Sienna by Blessed Raymund Capua; Pg. 82 ↩︎

  • How to Become Childlike

    “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3-41)

    What must I do to humble myself and become more childlike? What about children are we meant to imitate? Certainly not their folly, as Proverbs warns us against. Certainly not ignorance or spiritual immaturity, as St. Paul warns against. Here are the ways in which I will strive to become more childlike:

    1. Complete dependency on God: I will aim to see myself like an infant that is utterly helpless without its mother and like a toddler who asks “When is snack time” not “will we be able to eat?”. Children do not worry if they will have what they need but instead, freely turn to their parents and ask whatever they desire in that moment. I struggle with this freedom to simply turn to God and ask. I am afraid of having prayers unanswered or of being presumptuous. But if I am to truly show my trust in God’s providence and love, I will not withhold my prayers. I will simply pour out my needs and desires to God, as little as they may be–always leaving it to His will as the final decision.
    2. Self-Forgetfulness: I will aim to not think about myself–how I look, how I sound to others, and so on. A child couldn’t care less if their shoes didn’t match or if they had ketchup on their face. This is not to say I will neglect myself to the point of scandal, but seeing I am already prone to scruples and constantly stress over the opinions others hold of me, then I will bend myself in the opposite direction. I will allow more instances of “neglect” or “indifference” to how I come off. Not because I don’t care about the spiritual weakness of others or am indifferent to causing scandal, but because I want to remedy my excessive self-focus.
    3. Simplicity: Rather than endlessly rephrase my thoughts or worry over the responses to my opinions, I will focus on making sure I say exactly what I mean and think. If I receive rebukes, then I will welcome them! I will give a wiser person the chance to correct my ignorance while giving the arrogant or cynical one a chance to humble me (which I always need). Either way, I will benefit. So, I will put all my efforts in phrasing or speaking so that I may accurately reflect my real thoughts, not so that I may avoid all offence or criticism, which is inevitable.

    There are certainly many more reflections I can make on how to imitate the child-like attitude Christ encourages His followers to adopt. I will continue to meditate on them but for now, I will embrace the three I listed above.

    St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for me that I may be little like you. Blessed Mother Mary, pray for me. Amen.

    1. Ignatius Catholic Study Bible: Old and New Testament | RSV: Second Catholic Edition ↩︎

  • Personal Desires are the Cause of Sorrow

    “A glad heart makes a cheerful countenance…

    All the days of the afflicted are evil, but a cheerful heart has a continuous feast.” (Proverbs 15:13 & 151)

    I am my own cause for sorrow. I steal away the peace and joy that my heart could feast on. The moment I set my will and my desires on plans–on imaginary scenarios of how things will work out–I introduce opportunities for disappointment, bitterness, and anger. I do not have one second guaranteed to me and yet, I allow myself to dream and hope for things that may never be. Even if my hope is small–like a quick, easy phone call to my mortgage or a working fridge–I become anxious and distressed when those plans don’t work out.

    My solution is to abandon all desires and hopes for the future–MY desires.

    The only secure thing for me is to rely on God with my whole strength. I will take every moment of my day and seize it with all my mind. I will refuse to allow my imagination or heart to wander. I do not deserve anything. Not one blessing. Not one compliment. Not one second of health or ease. God grants it all to me to begin with and He always provides us with what we need when we need it.

    “You care for the earth, give it water,

    you fill it with riches.

    Your river in heaven brims over to provide its grain.

    And thus you provide for the earth.” (Psalm 65:102)

    Christ guarantees that the Lord knows our needs and provides for them always. Since He is our good Father and knows all things, then there is nothing left for me to fear. Of course, I have a duty to plan prudently, but it must also be done with simplicity and calmness. Other than that, I have no control over my life. I refuse to continue wasting away the gift of time God has given to me while also insulting Him with my distrust in His care.

    My God, I trust You do love me and watch over me all the day long. I resolve to abandon myself to Your care and I refuse to allow myself to form any more desires or plans that entertain the illusion of my control. There is no need for me to wring my hands over how my day plays out. I will simply live each moment according to Your will. I will imitate Christ in all circumstances and will keep my heart cheerful always. Help me to only need You and depend on You. Give me the courage to forget myself. Amen.

    St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for me. St. Dominic, pray for me.

    1. Ignatius Catholic Study Bible Old and New Testament ↩︎
    2. From the Divine Office application; Morning Prayer ↩︎

  • Resolving to be Meek

    Today, I will resolve to be as meek, gentle, and humble as I can possibly be. I will strive to imitate the quiet and gentle spirit of Christ, especially towards my children, who are the souls that I encounter the most in my day to day life. They have been entrusted to me. I am their guardian and their model. If I desire to be a reliable model to them, then I myself must model the Teacher of all teachers. Since it is so difficult for me to resolve beforehand how I should react in every different situation, I will simply strive to unite my mind and heart to Christ’s. I will pray that He fills me with His graces, particularly with those of patience and humility, so that I may not only bear the wrongs and defiances committed by my children, but that I may discipline and teach them in a way fitting for a Christian.

    I do not trust my own judgement on this. I only trust in God’s providence as my Father, who will give me the wisdom that I need in the moments I need them today. I will do my best to call to mind, however, His own words to encourage me as I face my obstacles today:

    “A soft answer turns away wrath,

    but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1; RSV1)

    and another:

    “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstones fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matthew 18:5-61)

    And yet another:

    “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.” (Matthew 11:29; USCCB)

    Do help me to imitate you, Lord. Help me to learn from you so that I may take these souls entrusted to me and be a faithful model to them to imitate. Keep not only the fear of You in my heart but more than anything, the love for You and for these souls. Let this love be my guide and principle today and for the rest of my life. Amen.

    1. RSV Second Catholic Edition; Ignatius Catholic Study Bible Old and New Testament  ↩︎

  • The Necessity of Recollection

    If left to my own devices, I act with so much impulsiveness and distraction. I find myself acting or speaking without any awareness or focus. My mind is somewhere else while my mouth and my body seemingly act on their own. How can I possibly ever expect to live a prayerful life and have a peaceful, still soul to allow Christ to remain in, if I do not control the smallest action or thought? How can I allow myself to be so impulsive?

    Recollection is the solution to this and is recommended everywhere I read. Fr Jean Croiset speaks about the necessity of this recollection in the Devotion to the Sacred Heart . Thomas a Kempis, too, speaks of this inner quiet and control in his Solitude and Silence and Imitation of Christ, and it is listed as a necessary step to success in mental prayer in Vital Lehody’s Way of Mental Prayer, although there it is called “purity of mind”.

    This recollection means I must pause before and after every action. It means I must make a check on all my faculties–my imagination, my will, my desires, my thoughts, my speech, and my body in order to ensure that they are doing what they ought.

    I must make sure my will is what God wills–that I seek to fulfill His commands in all things and am always ready to abandon my plans when needed.

    I must make sure my imagination is in strict control, bringing it back when it wanders, and only producing images that inspire devotion and love for God.

    I must make sure that my speech is little and carefully chosen–that it does not offend God but rather builds up, encourages, comforts, instructs, admonishes gently, and prays.

    I must make sure that my body is moving with care and gentleness, as how I picture Christ doing so during His quiet years of labor before His ministry. I must make sure I complete every act with prayerful intention, offering every movement–of every finger, of every step, of every breath–so that my body may be a “living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God” (Romans 12:1, USCCB).

    That is what I will do today. I will seek with all my efforts to live in a continuous state of recollection, bringing myself back whenver I fail and even using those failures as a blessing–a reminder of my natural condition and tendencies when left without God’s help.

    Oh my good and patient God! Help me to persevere today in this desire, so that I may, with your assistance, prepare a resting place for Christ in my soul. Help me so I may prepare myself to love Him purely and completely, with nothing else distracting me from Him. Do it for Your glory, not for mine. Amen.

    St. Teresa of Avila, pray for me. Foster father of Jesus, St. Joseph, pray for me. Amen.

  • Meditating on Death to View Temptations as an Opportunity for Growth in Holiness

    God permits our temptations so that through resisting them, we may grow in virtue. If I forget this, I become discouraged and may despair at the many repulsive and shameful temptations I find within myself and see this as a form of defeat. Yet, these are precious opportunities to show God I desire to remain faithful to Him by choosing to reject them or indulging in them.

    According to her spiritual director, St Catherine went through a great trial where she was constantly assaulted by temptations of demons. She could find no rest within herself. This was a constant battle and turmoil, since she had to spend every second rejecting and repelling these repulsive images and desires within herself. Instead of choosing to be relieved of these sufferings, St. Catherine insisted that she would remain subject to them until God willed so. When a demon tempted her to despair and threatened that they would not leave her alone until she submitted, she responded:

    “I have chosen sufferings for my consolation; not only will it not be difficult for me, but even delightful to undergo similar afflictions and even greater ones, for the love of my Jesus, and as long as his majesty wills.” (Pg. 53; The Life of St. Catherine of Sienna; Bl. Raymundo of Capua)

    This experience of such great a saint shows that temptations are in themselves a form of suffering. I don’t have to necessarily wait for some outside source of trial, like a persecution, or a bodily trial like an illness. Rather, my desire to eliminate vices and avoid sin is what causes temptations to be painful to me, and I should treat them like St. Catherine did: with fortitude, trust in God, and a joy in suffering for Christ.

    So when I feel the shame in being tempted to anger, impatience, disgust, or frustration in my day to day life as a wife and mother, then I should see these temptations as the very means by which I overcome vice and please God. I can recognize my sorrow at feelings these temptations as proof I don’t want them and that I desire to do good. I can take advantage of these trials to grow in perfection and holiness, since I know God will help me because he desires me to do so. I can look at my past and see how I have been able to overcome, with God’s grace, previous temptations and vices. I can reflect and see how God has wonderfully arranged my life to help me in eliminating vices and advancing in my spiritual life. Why, then, would current trials be any different? They are just more proof that God is continuing to work within me. If I, instead, neglect to view these trials as God’s work, I risk wasting precious time to prepare myself for a peaceful death:

    “Oh, how clearly, when the hour of death arrives, do the truths of faith make themselves felt, only to add greater torment to that dying man who has lived a wicked life, and particularly if he is one who has been consecrated to God, and so has had much opportunity of serving Him, much time, many good examples, and much inspiration.” (Pg. 49; Preparation for Death; St. Alphonsus Liguori)

    I do not wish to one day regret my resistance and wailing over my sufferings. I do not wish to grieve over wasted opportunities and time. Rather, I want to praise God and thank Him for allowing me to persevere and use every second to my advantage. Let me take the time I have now, then, to view my life rightly and change my perspective so that I welcome the difficulties of my vocation. I will no longer see them as obstacles but the very means by which I will grow in perfection and serve God as He deserves–with joy, humility, and abandonment.

    May God bless me in my desires to embrace suffering for His sake and remain faithful to His graces and inspirations. Amen.

  • Meditating on Death to Avoid Despair at the Last Hour

    From Preparation for Death by St. Alphonsus Liguori;

    Consideration VI: Death of the Sinner–Second Point

    “S. Bernard says, that that heart which has been so obstinate in sin during life, will use every means to free itself when dying from
    this state of condemnation, but will be unable to do so ; and
    being oppressed with its own wickedness, will pass from life in
    this state.”

    If our habits throughout life will remain even during the moments of our death, then I have all the more reason to focus on the manner in which I respond to sufferings now. I find that when things begin to go wrong for me–my plans are failing, I’m feeling overstimulated, the children don’t listen, my head is throbbing more intensely, and so on–I begin to mope and to focus on my failures. I begin to look for pity or comfort from others and this makes me wallow more intensely, allowing it to show on my face and tone. I am unable to think of anything positive, prayer is hard for me, and my mind seems to be a mess, incapable of producing anything helpful or clear to bring me out of my situation.

    If this is my habit when things go slightly wrong now while I am healthy, then how much worse will my state of mind be when I am on the brink of death!

    Do I expect to imitate those movie scenes where I calmly and peacefully accept the news that I am dying? Do I expect to smile and comfort my family when my body while be aching, laid on a hospital bed connected by all sorts of wires and surrounded by bright lights and machines? Will I even be aware enough of what is happening or will I instead be under a feverish spell that doesn’t let me focus on what is standing in front of me? What if my children can’t make it on time to see me nor the priest to give me my last rite? Won’t this just send me into a further downward spiral of negative thoughts and self-pitying emotions?

    No, I don’t want to risk ending my life on such a note. Instead, I will resolve to take every opportunity of misfortune, discomfort, pains, or trouble sent my way to “train” myself in responding as I ought. I will force a smile or pray to God for mercy or offer a Hail Mary or carefully monitor my tone so it doesn’t betray any feeling of trial within me. I will picture Saint Therese of Lisieux and how she bore all her little trials with patience and joy, taking care to make sure no one knew what she was experiencing. I want to develop the habit of turning to God during moments of suffering and seeking His help alone, rather than those around me. I want Him to be my sole source of comfort and consolation. During those moments of difficulty, then, I will pray with David:

    “Reach out your hand from on high;

    deliver me from the many waters;

    rescue me from the hands of foreign foes. (Psalm 144:7; USCCB)

    In the midst of those waters of passion and temptation, I will wait for God’s hand to come and save me, as Christ did Peter. I will trust that He will come to my help and protect me against the foes–the devil and his minions–who are always seeking to bring me to sin. They will do so even more intensely during the time of death, so if I want any chance at overcoming their assaults at that most crucial moment, I must begin trying right now.

    My Lord, I offer You these intentions for today. Please bless them and help me put them into practice all the days of my life but most especially during my last hour. I ask this of You in the name of my Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

    Blessed Mother Mary, pray for me.

  • Desiring and Praying to Grow in Fear of the Lord

    “Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10; USCCB)

    I need to learn to fear the Lord. The great patriarchs of the Old Testament all trembled in fear at the Lord’s Presence in the form of a cloud and fire. Christ’s apostles threw themselves to the floor when they beheld His true glory during His transfiguration. Many great saints speak of their own nothingness and sinfulness, in contrast with God’s perfection and beauty. Yet, I hold none of this fear in my own soul and barely feel remorse for my sins. Many times I end the day without really feeling that I have done anything wrong and have to force myself to examine my conscience and only then I realize my bad habits and many faults. Even then, I need God’s help to open my eyes and reveal to me the many hidden sins and vices I carry.

    How can I ever appreciate and love the sacrifice of Christ if I do not know what He has saved me from?

    How can I weep for gratitude at the fact my soul has been salvaged from eternal flames without believing deeply that I have deserved to be there from the moment I first sinned?

    How can I kiss Christ’s feet like Magdalene did or cling to His cross if I do not fear the exacting judgement of God–of how every fault and failure desrves punishment?

    My good and loving God, You are so patient with me. You love me when I am unlovable, when I am selfish. How much do I despise and feel disgusted at the actions of others when they offend or insult me? Even when others behave unintentionally annoying, I am repulsed and don’t want to help them but rather want to view myself as better than them. Yet, You constantly behold my sins and my slowness to obey–my sluggishness in prayer, my impatience with my children, my distrust in Your protection, my harshness towards others, my pridefulness, and so many more displeasing thoughts, decisions, and habits that I have. You see all these things within me and yet You let me live and encourage me to grow by giving me consolations, time, and advice through others. Forgive me for failing You so much and so often. I ask You fervently, through the merits of Christ and the intercessions of Blessed Mary, that You may give me an unforgettable fear of Your Divine and perfect judgement. Let me realize, as much as I am able to handle, how much I deserve to burn in hell for offending You, and if I am not prepared for such a fear, then I ask that You strengthen me that I may bear that terrifying truth.

    Yes, I am afraid to pray for such a fear, but I see that this fear is what led so many good souls to grow in perfection and allowed them to endure joyfully the many sufferings You sent their way. This fear is what led them to forget themselves, to love others fervently, and to seek all opportunities to serve You and repay You for their many offenses. This fear led them to ignore insults, to proclaim You without regard of what may happen to them or how they may suffer as a result. I want to serve you with the same pure love as they did, but I cannot do so if I continue to treat myself so delicately and excuse every sin I commit. I would be insane to ask for such a thing if it weren’t for the sacrifice of my Lord Jesus Christ, which keeps me from despair, and I am even more encouraged knowing that You are eager to love and console those who fear You:

    “He takes no delight in the strength of horses,

    no pleasure in the runner’s stride.

    Rather the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him,

    those who put their hope in his mercy. (Psalm 147:10-11; USCCB)”

    Having confidence, then, in Your mercy, I will ask for this grace–to know my sinfulness and fear Your judgement. I ask this not for myself, but for Your glory. I ask this so my prayers may be perfected and purged from all forms of self-love. I ask this so I may become bold like the saints in living out Your commands and proclaim Your Word in speech and action. I ask this so I can fulfill the purpose for which You created me and so that Christ’s sacrifice for me will not be in vain.

    St. Teresa of Avila, pray for me. St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for me.