LPC Meditations

Sharing the fruits of contemplation and study for the glory of God

  • Meditation on Psalm 119: Recognition of my own ignorance and weakness

    131 I sigh with open mouth,

    yearning for your commandments.

    My heart aches with frustration at my inability to properly meditate on God’s word or will. It feels that my mind is blocked and I can’t make sense of any of the thoughts in my mind. All I have is a burning desire to know what God wants me to do and how I should behave today. I am afraid of starting my day because I don’t want to face the same temptations and repeat the same mistakes I have before.

    How can I be entrusted with the education of my own children if I seem to be so ignorant and incapable? All I can think of is how many times before I have resolved to live a simple, prayerful day, where I am detached from material goods and show nothing but patience and tenderness towards my family. Yet I feel like all I find within myself is vexation, gluttony, bitterness, and distraction.

    How can I approach the Lord with so much insult and ingratitude?

    143 Though distress and anguish come upon me,

    your commandments are my delight.

    144 Your testimonies are forever righteous;

    give me understanding that I may live.

    145 I call with all my heart, O LORD;

    answer me that I may keep your statutes.

    146 I call to you to save me

    that I may observe your testimonies.

    I must comfort my soul with the hope that God gives. I must have confidence in God’s mercy. I must not allow my sorrow and tears at my own failures to carry me so far that I despair, as Judas did. Peter cried bitter tears at his betrayal of Christ, yet also cried out that he loved Christ more than any of the other apostles (John 21:15-17).

    God knows I desire to do His will. He knows I desire to live out every second of my day faithfully. He knows my ignorance and weakness. It’s often me that forgets this and begins to rely on my own judgement. This sorrow at my inability to reason or fulfill my resolutions is my reminder of this fact. I was always this incapable but God had carried me through my weakness, and I gave credit to myself instead. I didn’t stop to thank Him for the graces He gave me but rather puffed myself up with the illusion that it was my intelligence, my virtues, and my work all along. I wanted the praise when it didn’t belong to me.

    75 I know, LORD, that your judgments are righteous;

    though you afflict me, you are faithful.

    76 May your mercy comfort me

    in accord with your promise to your servant.

    77 Show me compassion that I may live,

    for your law is my delight.

    I accept, Lord, my pain and ask that you take pity on me so that I can live and not fall into sin. I accept the humiliation and recognize it as your merciful work, so that I may give praise to You, who is entitled to it. I ask that although I feel completely incapable at the moment, that You do not abandon me but rather remain with me today. As I begin taking on my duties, I ask that you continue to work through me so I can complete all my tasks in their proper time, without losing my peace or my faith in You. Though I feel like I can’t form even one coherent thought or envision myself completing one resolution, I will move forward with faith and a will to abandon myself to You and Your help. I trust you will not leave me to my own devices. Be my guide and my comfort.

    Glory be to You forever. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 113: Pleading for Help in Overcoming Weakness and Not Sinking

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website.

    Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE. This chapter is split into two: ch. 113 pt.1, which is ch. 114 in the NABRE and ch. 113 pt.2 which is ch. 115 in the NABRE.

    “Not to us, O Lord, not to us; but to thy name give glory.” (ch. 113 pt.2 verse 1)

    There is no reason for you to help me, Lord, other than Your own glory. You created me for Your glory. You created my children for Your glory. You created us as a family to sacrifice to each other, forgive one another and in this way show Your presence in our souls–in our willingness to suffer patiently and endure one another’s faults.

    “He hath blessed all that fear the Lord, both little and great.” (c. 113 pt.2 verse 13)

    I am one of these little ones. I am unable to keep myself from sinning. The moment I take my eyes off of you and look down at my footsteps, to see where I should step and how, I immediately begin to waver. I have to quickly turn back to you to stabilize myself and get the courage to keep moving forward. I feel like St. Peter who only had the confidence to walk on the water without fear of sinking when He was looking at You, after being commanded to “come”. (Matthew 14:24-31)

    How many times have I failed You? How many times have I woken up, telling myself “Today! Today, I will not sin. Today, I will be patient, hold my tongue, and work joyfully without complaining.” Then at the end of the day, when I have failed my resolutions, I shamefully come back to You and ask for the strength to try again–to not allow the repeated failures to cause me to despair. Indeed, I would have given up long ago if it wasn’t You who commanded I come, I would have refused to approach You if You weren’t so merciful so as to bless even the little ones–those of us far from sainthood and full of failures in our resolutions to be better.

    “The dead shall not praise thee, O Lord: nor any of them that go down to hell. But we that live bless the Lord: from this time now and for ever.” (Ch. 13 pt. 2 verses 17-18)

    For Your glory, help me! I cannot fulfill my purpose in serving You and glorifying You for all eternity if I fall down into hell. So for Your cause, call me again today. In my moments of weakness, remind me You are there so I can regain my strength to keep walking in these unstable waters, where I feel as if at any moment my foot will sink in. Help me, as little as I am, so I can bless You through my actions and thoughts.

    Help me so I can serve my family today with unwavering calmness, with a permanent abandonment to Your will at every moment–never allowing myself to be carried off into anxious planning.

    Help me so I can forgive my children for their many faults, both little and big, and see my relationship to them through You, remembering that their little hearts are bound up in folly and will need help driving it away for years to come (Proverbs 22:15).

    Help me so I can embrace the humiliating fact of my weakness–the fact I will continue to suffer embarrassing temptations my whole life–so that I may not despair and may instead turn to You, crediting You for my ability to overcome. I want to say in those moments: “I am little, after all, this is normal. God will bless me because I fear Him.” On the other hand, when I feel puffed up in pride at my accomplishments, I want to turn around and say “Give glory not to me, Lord, not to me, but to You”.

    My God, please bless my desires from today and turn them into fruits that I can offer You all throughout the day. I cannot do this on my own, so please be my Help and come to save me.

    St. Dominic, pray for me. St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for me. Blessed Mother Mary pray for me. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 112: Recognizing and Rejecting Sinful Thoughts

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website. Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE.

    “112: 5 Who is as the Lord our God, who dwelleth on high:

    112:6. and looketh down on the low things in heaven and in earth?

    112:7. Raising up the needy from the earth, and lifting up the poor out of the dunghill:

    112:8. That he may place him with princes, with the princes of his people.”

    It seems that almost every moment I am fighting off some ugly temptation or imagination from my mind. I can see an advertisement, a person walking down the street, a post on social media–really anything that I set my eye on–and my first temptation is one of scoffing, judgement, or ridicule. I feel like I’m waving off flies constantly, trying not to pay attention to these uncharitable or prideful thoughts. If I spend more than one second on these thoughts or indulge in them in any way, I am struck with shame at myself.

    “Why can’t I have better thoughts? Why can’t I think of God continuously and pray to Him always? Or pray to Him on behalf of others? Why do I, instead, get pleasure out of the base lifestyle of others–in the thought that I am better or holier than them? I should be sorrowful for them and the offense they bring God.”

    At the very least, I can take this humiliating fact of myself and offer that to God. I can recognize that I am an “unprofitable servant” and can barely escape the temptations that continuously swarm my mind. I can recognize that I am nowhere near the level of sanctity that I desire to be. I can take comfort in knowing that the disgust I feel towards these thoughts is a sign I reject them.

    Lord, see the miserable condition I am in and take pity. See that I do not consent to my temptations and that I immediately repent whenever I do. Please give me an overflowing love and tenderness for the souls I see, especially those that seem to be in sin. Give me empathy for them, so that I may pray for them earnestly and desire their salvation as much as You desire it. Lift my thoughts out of this earth–with its dunghills–and up towards higher, better things, so that as you look down on me, I may offer you only pleasing thoughts, words, and actions. Praise be to You for Your patience towards me. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 111: Balancing Justice & Mercy as Parents

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website. Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE.

    “Acceptable is the man that sheweth mercy and lendeth: he shall order his words with judgement.” (Psalm 111:5)

    There is nothing I desire more than to be acceptable to God–to one day be called His “good and faithful servant”. I want Him to find me, at any moment of my life, faithfully and prudently using the goods and resources He gave me (Luke 12:42). I want to have the wisdom to properly distribute His goods “at the proper time”. I’m not meant to satisfy all my desires or the desires of my children or husband, according to our own plans but rather according to the plans of the master who provided us with the goods. Otherwise, if we abuse His goods by using them contrary to His will, we will be placed among the unfaithful (Luke 12:46).

    This responsibility is always heavy on me. It is the reason I struggle with discernment in balancing leniency towards my children with the discipline they must be raised with. I fear that if I don’t always enforce the consequences of their actions, that they will learn to ignore my commands or become insubordinate to authority in the future, as teenagers or as adults. I fear failing my duty to raise them with habits of self-control, patience, obedience, and so on with the other virtues, so I often err on the side of being too severe.

    Yet, if I meditate on the Lord’s mercy throughout the history of mankind, I can see that He is willing to forgive in moments of repentance. He forgave the Ninevites when they ceased to sin, put on sackcloth, and pleaded for mercy (Jonah 3:6-10). If my children, then, apologize and show signs of sorrow, I should be willing to refrain from enforcing the consequences that would have followed. God does not become inconsistent simply because He does not enforce every threat or does not strike people dead on the first act of sin. Rather, it shows His slowness to anger, His mercy, and His patience. It shows that He truly desires the salvation of the sinner, not their destruction.

    So I, too, should be like God and show mercy. I will remind myself that this mercy is what merits mercy for myself. I am not violating my duties to discipline for being lenient towards my children when they are repentant. Rather, I help fulfill another duty:

    “Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children” (CCC 2223)

    And also:

    “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

    What best example can I provide than that of the imitation of my good Lord? What better instruction can I give than that of balancing mercy and justice? I can model for my children what forgiveness looks like while still keeping them mindful of their duty to obedience. Obviously, obstinacy is punished, but it takes many stubborn refusals in order to be called “obstinate”. God sent prophet after prophet, chance after chance, before He finally decided to punish. I think of the parable of the wicked tenants and the vineyard, where the owner (or God) kept sending servants, eventually even sending His Son–all in hopes that they would eventually repent and change their ways (Matthew 21:33-41).

    In conclusion, if I want to be acceptable to the Lord, I must imitate Him in mercy. I must be like the prophets He sent and make known the will of the Lord to the children by setting clear but simple rules, modeling the obedience to the rules myself, and firmly but gently reminding them of those rules. If they disobey, I must warn of the consequences and if I am obliged to enforce them, I will always be looking for genuine signs of sorrow and repentance–that is, of a change in behavior or attitude. If I see that change, then like God, I will happily forgive and embrace them.

    Oh my God, I am always mindful of Your good commands and of my duties towards the souls that You entrusted to my care. I beg you to give me the wisdom I need to raise them according to Your discipline. Help me be just like You are but also as merciful as You are. I trust You will guide me in my efforts and not leave me to raise these souls on my own.

    Blessed Mother Mary, pray for me so I may be as tender as you are. Praise be to God forever. Amen.

  • Meditation on Psalm 110: Trusting that God Will Provide the Food I Need

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website.

    “He hath given food to them that fear Him” (Psalm 110:5)

    In the Our Father, we pray that God gives us the bread that we need, and we do it daily because we continuously need nourishment for our bodies to survive. Why do we ask, though, or why do we need to fear Him if He grants it to all anyways:

    “…for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45)

    This universal goodness should make me take comfort in the mercy of God, since He will not deprive me of what I need. If I truly have my eyes on His kingdom alone, that is that I think nothing other than “what is my duty to God today”, then the answers and resources will be made available to me.

    In those moments where I slip into worry and wonder “How will I respond when this happens”, then I must remind myself that God will give me the food I need. He will give food to my soul, by feeding it with His graces and helping me overcome my temptations. My fear of Him and of His perfect judgement drives me to fulfill His commands as perfectly as I can but knowledge of His mercy and generosity comforts me in the moments I am most vulnerable.

    Lord, I do fear You and Your justice, so I ask for my food today. I ask for the strength I need to discipline my children with patience and firmness, to pray with devotion and to work and plan without anxiety. I fear my own weaknesses, so I turn to You and hold out my hands in expectation. You will answer my prayer. Amen.

  • Protecting Prayer to Overcome All Sin

    General Goal: Eradicate all form of sin from my life.

    Particular Goal: Protect my meditation and prayer times in a manner that is sustainable and reasonable to my state of life.

    Considerations:

    • The purpose of my life is to love God and to serve Him (Baltimore Catechism I Lesson 1. Q.6). I do this by ordering my life according to His will, obeying all His commands, and rooting out the smallest of sins or vices from my soul.
    • Meditation is essential to identifying and hating sin in my life while prayer is essential in receiving the graces to overcome them. Neglecting this means I will never overcome my venial sins and will likely backslide into a state of spiritual lukewarmness or even worse–mortal sin.
    • In order to ensure I meditate and pray regularly, I must identify and address anything (within my control) that takes away from the time needed to meditate and pray. In other words, I must protect the times to pray at all costs, while still fulfilling my duties towards my husband, children, and others that have a reasonable right to my time.
    • I must expect and accept the fact the trouble, discomforts, and disappointments that dedication to prayer might bring me. I must be okay with leaving early from family gatherings and receive complaints from them, heading to be earlier on movie nights though my husband asks me for another episode, and so on. I must also prevent myself from earnestly desiring or anticipating any of these fun, innocent activities so that I don’t become too attached and feel tempted to forego my resolutions. The more I hold them in my mind, the more “good” I see in them and the harder it will be to set them aside when I need to. I must avoid Eve’s mistake in beholding the forbidden fruit for too long: “The woman saw that the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eyes” (Genesis 3:6)
    • I must be OK with unexpected interruptions or with pausing my reserved times if it’s for the sake of charity: tending to my children when they have a fever or a stomach bug, an extra special occasion like a wedding that requires me to stay up later than usual, an unexpected guest during rosary time, etc. I should not allow temptations of scrupulosity or over-zealousness cause anxiety or frustration within myself, since these works are in themselves good, pleasing, and obedient to God

    Resolutions:

    • Identify the prayer times I am most likely to miss/have missed most often and plan the activities around that time extra carefully. I should make sure the children are busy with a quiet activity and that other tasks are scheduled in such a way that leaves me free to focus fully on prayer. Notify my husband of this so he knows it’s coming and that it doesn’t interfere with his plans
    • Set aside weekend bedtimes that let me stay up a little later than usual to spend quality time with my husband but still permit enough time in the morning for meditation and prayer. Notify him before date nights or movie nights begin and set a timer 30 minutes or 15 minutes before in order to mentally prepare and not delay when it’s time to wrap up the evening.
    • When going to family parties or other gatherings, keep the bedtime in mind and plan to leave with enough time to prep for bed (the children too), to fall asleep, and then still have enough time to wake up for prayer. Again, visualize the negative reactions this might cause so as to expect them and be OK with the disapproval/disappointment others will feel. If my husband objects and decides to stay, then it is no longer my responsibility and I am not the cause of any missed prayer times. I would, after all, be fulfilling another God-given duty: to submit to my husband as the head of the family (Ephesians 5:22)

    My God, please help me to detach from the simple pleasures of this life, especially from those I get from my spouse and our other friends and family. As much as I love them and enjoy their company, I do not wish them to become an obstacle to my devotion towards You. Help me keep the words of my Lord in mind so as to give me strength during those moments of temptation:

    “And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.” (Matthew 19:29)

    Mother of Good Counsel, pray for me. St. Joseph, pray for me. Glory be to God forever. Amen.

  • The Cross of Parenthood is my Path to Sanctity

    “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” (1 Corinthians 11:30)

    I thought my cross would come from outside the home. I waited for the suffering that seemed would be placed on me in some great and honorable way, like the martyrs and saints we remember. I expected it to come from outside of the home.

    But God had higher thoughts than that. He knew my weaknesses. He knew my pride. He knew the perfect way to destroy all vice within me, the hidden sinful thoughts that were disguised as virtues. He also knew how to use my strengths and my natural dispositions. He didn’t give me a great public image to use for preaching to the masses. He didn’t send me on a worldwide mission to feed the hungry or tend the sick. He didn’t introduce me to the convents and fill me with a wondrous attraction to a life as a celibate religious in my youth.

    He sent me parenthood.

    Parenthood stripped back the covers and revealed the ugliness of my vices–my impatience, my pride, my vanity, my intemperance–and began to root them out one by one.

    Parenthood revealed the value and attraction in the virtues and propelled me to learn discipline, prudence, perseverance, justice, and so on.

    Parenthood forced me to overcome my useless concerns, worries, and anxieties and helped me grow comfortable with pain, discomfort, and uncertainty.

    Parenthood showed me the necessity of my faith.

    By showing me the pitiful state of my soul, I realized the need I had of God and of His Holy Church to overcome my situation before it was too late. I found and desired prayer, the Sacraments, and study. I began to hate my vices and sought to destroy them within myself while growing in mercy and patience with those who still live out those vices.

    Yet, even as this truth is revealed to me, I continue to fight the wonderful cross placed on me. I feel pained at the fact that I always struggle with the same weaknesses, repeat the same venial sins, and face the same temptations. Temptations of anger. Temptations of desperation. Temptations of control and over-zealousness. I cry in confusion, wanting to be the perfect mother to my children and treat them as the children of God sent to me, always wondering why I can’t overcome these obstacles.

    It is these exact pains, however, that are the weaknesses I should bear. These pains and shames are the daily humiliation I need to remain humble at God’s feet and continue begging for His graces. The same failures prevent me from wagging my finger or shaking my head at other parents. They keep me wary of this dangerous life and help me remain vigilant so I can continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

    Jesus commanded us to be perfect as our Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48), and this need to work towards perfection will persist for the rest of my life. There will always be temptations to overcome, so I must not allow myself to grow discouraged at my own failures or signs of temptations. These are, rather, the very weaknesses I must boast about. As I overcome each one, I can say with confidence that it was not me who overcame them, but God. Without His graces and mercy, I would not be able to bear this cross of parenthood. Even if I fall, as Christ did three times, I can pick it back up and persevere until the end.

    I do not need to wait for some glorious martyrdom. I can die to God daily. I do not need to wait for some great suffering or sacrifice. I can embrace the daily, small sufferings and sacrifices of parenthood. I do not need to pursue virtues and good works outside the home. I can grow in those virtues and perform those good works in the home, for my children and through my parenting.

    Oh my God, please help me in this work. Sometimes, I can barely focus on keeping the cross upon my shoulders and it takes my whole energy to take one mere step. Let me focus on nothing but that step. Let me not focus on the long road ahead, so I may not despair at how much I have to go. Sometimes I feel like I am on the brink of falling over. Hold me up during those moments and send me a Simon to bear it with me–and give me the humility to accept his help!

    I desire nothing other than to serve You well. Give me the graces of Holy Matrimony to raise these children you sent me according to Your will. Help me to continue to grow in holiness and love of You through them and through this work. Amen.

  • Meditation on Balancing Duties to Husband and to God

    General Goal: Order my marriage to the will of God.

    Particular Goal: Show my husband that I enjoy spending time with him while still remaining detached internally from him and from the pleasures in spending time with him, such as date nights. Understand this balance of duty to husband and duty to God in order to gather the courage to say “no” to my husband when I need to.

    Considerations/Context:

    • I have a reputation and previous habit of being overly zealous, strict, or imprudent in my desire to fast or abstain from simple pleasures. Given this history, my husband is reasonably hesitant to agree with my worries about being overly indulgent or “worldly”, so I can’t simply tell him “we need to pray more and drink/eat less”.
    • I would be content using my extra time studying or praying. I would prefer to avoid eating tasty foods, snacks, or drinks, not because I think them evil, but because I would rather avoid building the habit or risk attachment to them. I am, however, willing to enjoy them with my husband when he asks so he knows I do like his company and enjoying these simple pleasures together.
    • The Church has a history of allowing earthly things and cultural traditions as long as the essentials of the faith are kept. The Apostles permitted Jewish traditions in early Christian history, as long as they were not seen as necessary for salvation. I should have no remorse, then, in enjoying good food and movies with my husband if I am doing so, not for my own pleasures nor for his, but rather to remove a potential obstacle from his attitude towards Christian life: “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings” (1 Corinthians 19:22-23). I know my husband is weaker spiritually than I am, at least at this point in time, so I cannot make the Christian life seem harsher than it really is or make our home culture stricter than it needs to be, thus making it distasteful to him as a result.
    • I know my husband rejoices at seeing me enjoy what he provides and that I can relax together with him, especially considering my more uptight personality. Allowing myself to become “weaker” in this sense can be a form of showing my love and affection to him. “Love, and do what you will” (St. Augustine of Hippo)

    Resolutions:

    • I myself will not suggest watching movies or snacking as an idea for our free time, but I will not decline my husband’s invitation to do so, as long as my prayer times and duties to my children (ex. giving them their baths, making sure they have outside time, etc.) are protected. I will make sure to say this explicitly to him. (ex. “Yes! First I need to finish my rosary and get the kids their dinner” or “Definitely a couple episodes, but I do need to be in bed by 7:00 PM”).
    • Continue to invite my husband to prayer times with me and share videos, quotes, and ideas that I genuinely find exciting or interesting, thus not only “sharing the fruits” of my prayer and study with him but letting him associate my joy and pleasure with these higher goods.
    • Throughout the day, if I find myself excited at the thought of hanging out with him or picturing the snack we will enjoy, I will thank God for a loving husband and the opportunities for these simple pleasures. Then, I will change the idea or return to my current task with full attention so as not to build the desire.

    Prayer:

    O my God, I desire to never again offend you by being too attached to my husband or by trying to please him more than my duty to him calls for. Bless my intentions and my resolutions so that I may live my vocation of marriage in a manner perfectly pleasing to you. I pray for the graces that come with the Sacrament of Matrimony so that both my husband and I can become a holy couple that seeks You above all things for Your own sake. Amen.

  • Meditating on Death is Essential

    I want to live like a saint. I want to live for Christ alone and not seek the pleasures of this life–as innocent as they may be–but rather see them as means to get to Christ. I read how the saints prefer to die a thousand deaths and relive thousands of sufferings or even an eternity of purgatory rather than offend God once or stand in His presence with one sin on their soul–not even one blemish.

    I find myself shuddering at these thoughts. I can barely picture myself enduring ONE death, much less a thousand painful ones. This fear of suffering signals to me that I am nowhere near the level of sanctity I long to have. I am too attached to the comforts and pleasures of this world, so I am pained at the mere THOUGHT of losing them. This means I must do something to change the way I view the joys of this world and put them in their proper place. I will begin to meditate on death more vividly than before, and I will use St. Alphonsus Liguori’s Preparation for Death to do so, at least as a starting point.

    When I begin to desire a cup of warm coffee, I will picture my cold body, pale and spotted blue. What good would that warmth do then?

    When I begin to excite at the thought of a nice restaurant meal, I will picture my lifeless tongue and open mouth in my coffin. What good would the flavors and texture of that dish do then?

    When I begin to worry about my appearance to others or how my personality or thoughts might displease them or repel them from me, I will picture how they, too, will be laid stiff in a coffin. What good would their opinion of me be then?

    I am put off by thinking such things and it feels grim to always be bringing death to mind but it must be done. As St. Alphonsus Liguori says, we are rushing to death–every breath brings us closer to that final day. How can I possibly let myself forget this? I may not be able to have a skull with me to always look at, as the Benedictines do, but I can hold the thought in my mind. I can use my approaching death as a reminder to keep my desires in check, to keep my priorities straight, and to continue working out my salvation in fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

    Ultimately, my goal is to become holy. I do not want to be depressed thinking about dead bodies all the time. Our Lord Jesus wept at the death of His friend Lazarus and He Himself destroyed death by His resurrection. I want to desire God above all things, for His own sake, but to do this, I need to first overcome the illusions I have–the false idea I will live forever. I need to shatter the image as the “main character” that will never be killed off and make myself realize that I am like everyone else and will one day be on my own death bed. It is sobering, but it is necessary. My day of judgement is coming, but I will not feel that as real unless I first understand that I will die. So, I pray with David:

    “Lord, let me know my end, and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is!” (Psalm 39:4)

  • Meditation on Psalm 100: Turning Disgust of Sin to Love of the Sinner

    This meditation is based on the Douay-Rheims Bible translation, accessible on the Classical Liberal Arts Academy‘s website. Note, the numbering system is slightly different than more modern translations like the NABRE.

    100:5 The man that in private detracted his neighbour, him did I persecute. With him that had a proud eye, and an unsatiable heart, I would not eat.

    100:6. My eyes were upon the faithful of the earth, to sit with me: the man that walked in the perfect way, he served me.

    100:7. He that worketh pride shall not dwell in the midst of my house: he that speaketh unjust things did not prosper before my eyes.

    100:8. In the morning I put to death all the wicked of the land: that I might cut off all the workers of iniquity from the city of the Lord.

    David, as king, was able to create a kingdom that was holy and pleasing to God. He did this by using his power to eliminate all the evil from those within his presence to those working evil amongst the people. He went as far as to put them to death. This was his zeal. This was his refusal to negotiate or compromise with sin.

    Such behavior seems off-putting and “problematic” to a more modern mind. It makes sense–we live in a free-thinking society and a country that permits freedom of religion. We must learn to live alongside those who disagree with us and even think us evil, or vice versa (that we think their religion or philosophy or political beliefs evil).

    How, then, are we meant to have this same zeal of hatred to sin, like David? How are we meant to show our utter hatred for sin and refusal to compromise while also living peacefully alongside our erring and wayward neighbors? Are we meant to isolate ourselves into our own Christian communities, and so keep our eyes “upon the faitfhul of the earth”? Are we meant to ignore those that “speaketh unjust things” and refuse to eat with those that have a “proud eye” and an “insatiable heart”?

    This cannot be, otherwise we would end up talking to nobody–all of us are sinners. And how are we meant to evangelize if we cannot even look at those who reject our faith? I can imitate David in his zeal by “putting to death” the sin which abids within me. As Christ says:

    “…remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

    We are still meant to correct our neighbor and eliminate that sin from his soul. We are meant to have a burning hatred for the vices and disgust for the corruption that people engage in. It is NORMAL to be put off by immodest clothing and speech, to frown at the casual blaspheming of the Lord’s name, and the drunkedness of our neighbors. It is NORMAL to want to look away from them and to separate myself from them, because if we live carefully according to the teachings of the Church, our consciences will groan at the sins of others. The danger is in letting that pain and anger be directed at the soul that is engaged in that sin.

    I can easily reiterate and defend the teachings of Christ’s Church and diligently study to grow in that knowledge. I can say with confidence that I am not in mortal sin and that I am diligently examining my own conscience so as not to do one thing, not agree to one thought, that is displeasing to God. I have already removed that log from my eye, which is why I can recognize my faults, my vices, and my venial sins that I labor tearfully to remove from myself. I am disgusted by sin within myself, so of course I will be disgusted by sin in others. There is no shame in that but rather implies that I am heading in the right direction

    My challenge is in restraining the disgust and redirecting it to where it belongs. I must never allow my revulsion to sinful behavior be directed at the sinner. If I see someone who seems to be sinning or living in vice, I must not allow my own pride to puff up in knowing or suspecting that I live a more devout life or am more advanced than they are. On the contrary, it means I have a duty to offer up my prayers for that soul–reminding myself that they were also created in God’s image. They were created for the purpose of serving Him and being happy with Him forever in heaven–not just me. They were not created so that I may look holy in contrast to them.

    That is my resolution and I will fulfill it by doing the following whenever I see anyone speaking, acting, dressing, or behaving in any form that I suspect might be sinful:

    • Offer up a Hail Mary for them
    • Pray for graces for that particlar individual, that they may become aware of their sin and feel contrition for it
    • Pray like St. Catherine “Today it is your turn, tomorrow it is mine, unless Divine Providence preserves me”.
    • Pray that my pride remains in check and that my hatred for sin is never directed at the soul in sin, that my love and tenderness for them may be like Christ who loves all and died for all.

    Lord, I offer up these resolutions to You. Help me to live up to them and not only think about them. Amen.