“‘Go forth, my soul, of what are thou afraid? For well nigh seventy years thou hast served Christ, and dost thou now fear death?’…my soul, what dost thou fear after having served a God Who is faithful, and Who will never abandon him who has been faithful to Him in life?” (Preparation for Death; St Alphonsus de Liguori; P. 64)
If at the end of my life, I truly want to say to God “I have lived my life for your sake”, then I must be careful that my actions really show that.
God created me. I belong to Him. All I have belongs to Him. So, if I do not regard His will in how I choose to spend my time, my thoughts, and my money, then I cannot say “I have lived for Him”. If I act on impulse–on personal desire–with no consideration for the morality or even the pleasantness of my action in God’s eyes, then I cannot say “I have lived for Him”.
St. Paul says that all is lawful but not all is beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23). I am permitted to eat anything I want without sin. I am permitted to listen and watch most things, provided it does not likely cause temptation towards sin. Yet, even if I can do most things without risking sin, the question becomes–is this how I can best spend my time on earth for God? Is my reason for this coffee and book “God’s will” or is it simply “I enjoy it”? Is my reason for spending an hour on Substack, Pinterest, or other social media really “God’s will” or is it my own personal desire?
It is true that these things CAN be used as means to do God’s will, but that is usually not the intention I have when doing them. I simply act to satisfy a desire. I want to taste the creamer and rich coffee. I want to feel comfortable, curled up on the couch. I want to see something funny or interesting online. My reason was not seeking the salvation of souls. It’s not my own growth in holiness or study of the faith. It’s not even an intentional plan to refresh myself as quickly as possible so as to return to my work. It’s simply “I felt like I wanted to and it was not a sin”.
As I approach the time of my death and I begin to be tempted with fear or despair, I want to tell myself to not fear because “Christ is living in me” (Galatians 2:19). I want to be able to point to my life and see the fruits of God’s grace in me and say “See? You served God as best as you could. If you failed, you immediately repented. Your intention was always to live for God. You hated sin and strove to please Him as best as you knew how. God is good, merciful, and faithful. He knows this and will not abandon You.”
I do wish I could live my life in a great love for God, without regard of the pains of death that may come. As I am now, however, I am weak and motivated mostly by fear. By God’s mercy, I hope to grow and mature so that I may act out of love rather than fear, but I leave that in His hands.
My God, I offer you my life and the works of my hands. Help me to offer them continuously throughout the day. Help me to remember–as I clean, cook, study, teach, plan, and drive–that I do it all for You. Teach me Your Wisdom and help me grow in knowledge of You so I may make all my decisions according to what pleases You. Strengthen me in my resolution that I may persevere until my death, so that I can say on that day “Be at rest, my soul, you lived for God”. Save me from my errors. Save me from my evil tendencies. Save me from my weakness. Amen.
St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for me. St. Alphonsus, pray for me.
LPC Meditations 