My desire to be seen as a good mother is what often stops me from being a good mother.
I become more preoccupied with the opinions other have of me, than of my own children’s good. If they misbehave publicly, even in a small way, I feel myself panic inwardly and I immediately attempt to scold them or show some sort of outward sign that I disapprove of what they did. I would have disciplined them regardless, but because I want to seem like a mother who raises well-behaved children, I concern myself more with what it looks like I’m doing than what my children really need.
Perhaps, they simply needed a small, gentle reminder. Perhaps, I could have done nothing then, and the consequences would have to be enforced at home. But if I feel like I appear as permissive and that my children seem to be spoiled (even if they’re not really), then I act imprudently. All because of my pride–my desire to be held in high esteem, often by strangers who I will never see again.
What foolishness.
May the Lord help me to destroy my attachment to my image and reputation. May He fill me with so much love for my children and destroy my disordered self-love, so that I only concern myself with what these souls in my care need. May I embrace those moments of public embarrassment or shame as a way of mortifying that self-love.
St. Monica, pray for me. Blessed Mother Mary, pray for me. Amen.
LPC Meditations 