From St Alphonsus Liguori’s Preparation for Death; Consideration IV: The Certainty of Death; First Point
“Death for me, perhaps, now stands nigh at hand. I should like to prepare myself for that great moment in which my everlasting happiness, or unhappiness depends.”
God is under no obligation to continue forgiving me for my sins. If I were to die immediately after committing a grave sin, there is no reason for Him to give me time to repent and confess that sin. He would be perfectly just to allow my death and permit my eternal separation from Him. Just as a husband who repeatedly commits adultery is not entitled to forgiveness from his offended wife, neither am I entitled to that forgiveness from God.
I do not know the instance I will die, so I must be extremely cautious of anything that will cause this eternal separation. I know that it is the moments of passion that often lead me to sin. I must, therefore, avoid as much passion as possible, whether the emotions are “positive”, like excitement and love, or “negative”, like annoyance and self-pity.
Of course, prudence is always necessary, and there are appropriate times for passions. However, most of the time, the passions are results from disordered or misplaced thoughts and desires: an annoyed outburst from feeling hungry or suffering from a headache; a sulking face from a desire to receive pity from a difficult day; unrestrained speech or rambling from uncontrolled excitement to meet a long time friend.
These may not be mortal sins, but I desire to avoid all sin, regardless of how small. I want to take practical steps to do this, so today I will focus on identifying the rising of passions within me and putting all my efforts towards controlling them:
- In response to anger or frustration from my household duties, I will take a moment to breathe and pray to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
- In response to self-pity, I will think of Christ carrying His cross, abandoned by all friends, and mocked at in midst of His agonies.
- In response to over-excitement, I will think of my incoming death and how all those things I desire to have and enjoy will be taken from me, and so I should only seek to desire God who is my true Source of happiness.
- In response to fear or anxiety of the future, I will pray as Christ did during His agony in the garden by saying “Your will be done”, or as Jeanne-Pierre de Caussade writes in Abandoment to Divine Providence: “What You will, Lord, I will”.
Christ, have mercy on me and be patient with me. Let me never again sin against You. I hope and trust You will help me persevere, even if I am tempted to despair that I will not persevere, considering the many times I have failed you before. I trust in Your mercy and love, since You did, after all, die on the cross for me and offer Yourself up for my salvation.
St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for me. Blessed Mother Mary, intercede for me and pray for my salvation. Amen.
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