From Preparation for Death by St. Alphonsus Liguori; Consideration VI: The Death of the Sinner; First Point
“…they shall seek peace, but what peace can a soul find which is laden with sin, which bites it like so many vipers?”
If I have trouble rejecting a sin and need a good reason to turn away in the midst of being tempted, picturing these stings of conscience seems appropriate. Usually a temptation promises a feeling of satisfaction or pleasure, such as wanting to shout, complain, or look visibly displeased when angry. This desire to behave wrongly (instead of reasonably or virtuously) is what needs to be fought against, so when I find myself on the brink of sinning, I can picture the sting of conscience I will feel after the act has been committed. I can picture my shame, the displeasure God will look on me with, and the punishment incurred because of that disobedience. If I want to keep my conscience at peace and without these stings, then I should keep them in mind all day. If I want to die peacefully, without remorse and without risking being overwhelmed by despair for my actions and impending death, then I should use these stings to my advantage.
“The intelligence that the sinner has just received, that he is dying, the thought that he must bid farewell to everything in this world, the stings of a troubled conscience, the time that is for ever lost, the time that he is now in want of, the severity of the Divine Judge, the miserable eternity which awaits all sinner–the thought of all these things will come up on him in terrible confusion, which will greatly trouble his mind…”
I wish I was able to reject these temptations out of a pure love for God and a dread of ever offending Him, who has been so good to me. However, I am not so selfless that I can do it for God’s sake alone, although I will always pray that I can reach that point where I do all things for Him and only Him. Until then, I will be a bit more practical and fight desire with desire. Today, I will fight my desire to submit to temptations of annoyance, distraction, wastefulness, impulsiveness and any other urges to act unreasonably or sinfully, with a desire to avoid the stings of a guilty conscience. I will fight those temptations with a desire of a happy death, where I can say to God “I did all I could, forgive me for my weaknesses”. As long as I keep my will towards God, I have confidence that He will forgive me and that Christ’s sacred wounds will wash away the guilt I have incurred.
My Lord, thank you for being patient with me up to this moment. Bless my desires to avoid all manners of sin and help me prepare today for battle against the devil and his assaults. He is indeed a prowling lion, waiting to devour me (1 Peter 5:8), so please strengthen me in these resolutions and let them not be mere words. Instead, let them bear fruit in my actions so I can use all opportunities today to reject sin and give you glory.
St. Teresa of Avila, pray for me. St. Catherine of Sienna, pray for me. St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for me.
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